what I'm learning

Some things I'm learning:

• Instead of caring deeply about my friends, I mostly care about whether they think I'm a good friend or not. Which is why when I know I'm letting someone down, I spend 3x as much time explaining why I'm unable to be a good friend to them as I do listening to how they're doing. It is also why I feel insecurity when I think I've hogged too much of the talking time. I'm praying God will help me to know His ridiculously deep love for me so I can be freed to truly love people.
• The difference between conviction and guilt. I feel TONS of guilt right now about not carrying my weight. Not reading/praying as much as I used to. Not being there for friends when they have stuff going on. Etc. With a few exceptions in friendship (when there was true conviction), I think mostly this is unhealthy guilt. God hasn't made me feel convicted about not spending the same kind of time in the Word as before. But I feel guilty because I like to try to carry my weight. I like to try to earn people's (and God's) favor and love. I like to try to contribute. IIf I can just add this wise thought, give this thoughtful gift, spend this much time praying...THEN __ will be impressed by me or love me. I feel like in this crazy season of life (where I'm receiving much much more than I'm giving) I'm learning a lot about grace, that God doesn't need my contribution for anything. That there are seasons in life where we aren't as active or productive (in the same ways). I'm learning it in friendship too. and it is hard.
• To walk in the Spirit. I know a lot more about my limitations and the cost/benefit of choices I make now. Before, I really could just add on pretty much anything to a crazy day and it wouldn't cost me much. but it wasn't necessarily something I was supposed to do. Now, I don't have that margin and so I'm forced to ask more "is this something I'm supposed to do." My decisions shouldn't be based on whether it is going to cost me or my family something (emotionally, physically, etc.)-- if it is something God wants me/us to do, we should do it. On the other hand, just because it fits in for my day and I'm able to do it (in my own strength) doesn't mean I should. I'm trying to learn to walk in the Spirit and follow where He leads.
• Prioritizing marriage. well this is always going to be a learning process. but I long to have the marriage God wants us to have and in order to do that we need to work hard! So, I want us to make good choices about what we do with our margin.
• I need to close my computer to be a less selfish and better mom (and better wife). I'm struggling with selfishness a lot right now. Please pray for me to let my agenda and preferences go.

Life for the four Thompsons feels full. Isaiah really is thriving. Except for sleeping at night and continual tummy issues, he's doing unbelievably well (and those two issues are totally normal for this stage in the adjustment process). At night he still gets scared and feels insecure and takes a long time to fall asleep. Please pray we'll have grace for him in that. Lucy and Isaiah are becoming the best of friends. They fight like siblings of course, but they're so sweet to each other most of the time. and they LOVE to play together.

Okay...back to the reality of the mess of our house. hope everyone is well!!!

a few videos

most of you who are facebook friends will have already seen these. but, for those of you who aren't, enjoy:

This was from week 1 at home (clearly enjoying each other already):


This one was last week. I just LOVE how much my kids adore their daddy.

delayed gratification

I love watching Lucy around babies. It had been a while but in the last few weeks we've spent time with 3 different precious babies. Lucy completely ADORES babies. Bringing them bottles, squeezing them (a little too hard), holding them on her lap, helping change diapers, etc.

Last week I had a moment where I felt a little sad for her. With us adopting Isaiah, she missed getting to really play this role. He doesn't let her hold him...(um, and that's not really possibly anyway). He doesn't need as much help as a baby does (although we find ways to let her be the big sister). it just isn't the same as bringing a new born into the family and for a moment I was sad for her.

Even if we have more biological children...the decision about that, of course, should not be ours. But even if we do...she'll never be at this age, the way she is right now to experience it this same way.

anyway, it made me sad for a moment. and then really, really happy. I hope and pray that we model a life for her and joyfully lead her to a life where she'll delight in delayed gratification. where she'll willingly give up dreams and really great things that God just hasn't written as her story in order to obey Him. I hope and pray that both Isaiah and Lucy will love to practice delayed gratification for heaven and spend their lives here obeying...sometimes receiving and enjoying pleasures (when God offers them) and other times receiving and enjoying the anticipation of heaven. when our appetites and longings will truly be filled.

Of course, there are MANY "betters" about having a brother who is about the same age,and the analogy breaks down because we didn't find going after Isaiah sacrificial in any way. But, I think unknowingly, Lucy has been a part of something that meant a little bit less opportunity for her. She is not experiencing something that could have been hers and that she would have loved. I rarely refrain from something that I have the opportunity to have. I pray I'll learn how. and model how. and I pray that will describe our children.