close your computers people!

So, I tend towards black and white thinking. A way of doing things (like parenting, learning about God, chopping vegetables, whatever) is great and a different way is bad/wrong. when the reality is, there are pros and cons to most approaches and/or there are different seasons that call for different means and (duh) it isn't necessarily the case that one way is always better. I catch myself doing this all the time. With ill-conceived thoughts or words I malign people who aren't doing things the same way as me.

anyway, here's why I'm thinking about this:

Lately I have benefited greatly from not having my computer around as much. I'm more focused on my kids. I'm sleeping more...or doing other things in bed more. I'm trusting God loves me and doesn't need my effort (study, writing and work) to accomplish what He's doing in this world. (this is a big one for me as, for example, a lot of friends/former colleagues are at Q learning from people I love learning from...and I'm not there. (thought life: i'm falling behind. people might not think as highly of me. I need to make sure I read all of the content to stay up-to-speed...) you can see why it is good that my computer has been closed more, no?!

anyway, I think it is best for my kiddos that I keep it closed for a while. And I'm also learning a lot (about myself) because of it. I think this is where God has me.

well, naturally all of you should be doing the exact same thing. let me restate that. if you aren't doing that and you're spending a lot of time reading/writing blogs, or on facebook or whatever, I judge you. you're inferior.

ugh. why couldn't I just stop at being thankful for what God is showing me?

why does it have to go there in my mind so fast? why do I start judging others' activities so quickly without the chance of knowing what God might be doing in them?! How they might be in a totally different place and so it is GREAT that they are learning from people, growing an encouraging community, enjoying a break. whatever. why can't I imagine (or why don't I try to imagine a scenario) where someone is more self-controlled and able to regulate their time in a healthy way? why do I assume everyone is a glory hog like me? why am I so freaking insecure that I need everyone's active agreement (which means we all do the same thing) to affirm what God is teaching me?

So, here's to a gracious God who loves me despite my crap. Who knows you far better than me. who knows me (and how to win my heart) better than anyone. who creatively works in our lives in different ways. who is making your fruit beautiful and distinct...and different than mine. which increases the beauty of the garden.

oh yeah, and here's to an incredible new friend, Susie. a sincere, and I believe, lasting friendship, that of course, never would have started if I hadn't spent so much time on my computer for the past 12 months. hmmmm. I miss you and your adorable kids. team thom 4-eva.

PS, and lest you think this was reserved for computer usage. you better be adopting, living in an urban context, thrift shopping, not showering too often, not driving a minivan (yet...but check back soon) and wearing purple. just kidding, sort of. ugly ugly ugly I tell you!

PSS I hope this doesn't make anyone too afraid 0r paranoid to be my friend. I don't always think ugly thoughts...it is me, not you. and I think I sometimes know that.

PSSS. don't be afraid to comment (communicating that you've read this..which means your computer is open) because that would cause problems in one of my other issues: attention/pride. I NEED approval people. JK. you don't have to comment.

Lucy's theological insights.

So apparently I took it too far last week explaining and reading the Crucifixion story.

Since I should be parenting instead of typing, I'll write quickly.

All week long Lucy has been struggling. Every single time we put her to sleep (nap or bedtime) she COMPLETELY freaks out. Actually, for 20 minutes leading up to it she melts down. Sobbing, "I don't want to go to bed...Don't leave me. Please don't leave me!!" And she asks us over and over again "will you stay with me?"

We're usually pretty stern bedtime ritualists. We sing Jesus loves you, kiss her and that's it. She screams, we shut the door.

But this week I could tell it was a different story. A different scream.

A few nights ago she told me that she sleeps with her "hands like this and legs like that so no one can get her". (showing me that she hides her hands under the covers and squeezes her legs tight). I was clueless but could tell she was scared of some bad guys (of course I started wondering what she's seen on TV, whether she watches scary shows at the gym, etc.) It has to be other sources, right?

I even called a few friends yesterday to see if they had any advice re: fears vs. whininess at bedtime. What should I do?! I want to nip it in the bud if it is just testing the limits....but I want to be gracious if it is legitimate. How do I know?

But I couldn't figure it out. So, we were a little more gracious about her apparent fears and stayed with her longer, checked on her more frequently and even let her skip naptime a few times.

And then this morning she told me she wanted to read the story about Jesus again "the one where they put that thing on him". and then she proceeded to say "that's why I hide my hands like that...so the soldiers won't get me. so my hands won't get stuck"

Ugh. What a sweet, tender spirit.

Seriously, she won't be by herself, lights on, door open, flashlight available. Nothing.

We talked about the Resurrection, but that's not sticking with her yet. Only the Crucifixion.

Sidenote: in the days leading up to figuring out what was going on, it probably didn't help much to tell her that Jesus was always with her and will never leave her, huh? oh great mom, I don't want him around...they're after him!)

Not to get all theological on you, but Lucy GETS it in some ways, perhaps even more than we do. Certainly Jesus died and rose, was forsaken and paid for our sins once and for all so that we won't have to... but we're also told that if we're one of Jesus' followers, we should expect to be treated no differently (by man) than he was "No servant is greater than his master. If they persected me, they will persecute you also." John 15: 20. (We WILL be treated differently by God though. Given full inheritance than belonged solely to Jesus.)

Maybe our Jesus story telling should include a little more scary stories about what it means to follow him? Or at least we shouldn't forgetthose parts. We are SURE that God will never forsake us, because Jesus took that for us. But we're not sure our lives will go well. Bad things do happen to people who follow Him. on this side of the Kingdom of God.

I remember a story about a man who would take people who recently professed faith in Christ on a field trip of sorts. They went to the zoo and headed straight to the lion's den. And he'd tell them that THIS is what many Christians before you have faced because of their faith...are you really sure you want to believe this if that can happen to you? Sounds like a good bedtime story, huh? don't worry...I won't go there with Lucy until she is at least 3.

But of course, many said to the man: Lord to whom shall we go? And one day, Jesus is going to reign on this earth once and for all. and peace will come.