I ache

I have nothing more to say other than I ache for our child. Lots and lots of tears this week, especially on Sunday during a baptism...I completely fell apart when our congregation sang "Jesus Loves You" as they walked her around the room--so beautiful, but so so hard as we wait. Then we sang a song that mentions that before there was time, God planned all our days (which alludes to verses in Ephesians that talk about adoption) and then later in the song how God knows the number of hairs on our head...how before we were made, God searched us and knew us (which of course is comforting and true...but I want to know some of those things about our kiddo's life too. I know God loves our child, and I trust Him...but I struggle (and I should) as I long to be with him/her.) Then, finally, our pastor started his sermon with a story about how in order to whisper to someone, you have to be close to him. Of course Clint didn't know that one of my consistent prayers for this little one is that someone else would be whispering we're coming, that they're deeply loved and cherished...since we cannot. So, I cried and cried. and then avoided people because I don't know how to engage right now.

I love you little one. I don't go 15 minutes without thinking of you and aching for you. I pray God will knit our family's hearts together closely as we wait to be together. I pray you'll know how deeply loved you are today, by your Savior and by your family. We are coming. and until we're there we are aching to see you.