we're glad you're here!

Well, we should probably start by saying “welcome to our blog!” It seems like there is an enormous amount of (self imposed) pressure regarding a first blog entry. We'll be somewhat relieved when we're done with it. Sorry that this one will be so long, we'll try to keep them shorter in the future!

Lots of friends and family have been asking for updates on our adoption process (thanks for asking and caring!) so we decided we'd set up this blog to let people know how things are going. We'll do our best to make it informative, enjoyable and up-to-date, but don't be surprised (and please forgive us) if you get radio silence more often than not. We hope you'll use the "comment" option at the bottom of each post to let us know what's going on with you!

People affectionately refer to the adoption process as a "paper pregnancy." Since God has blessed me with the opportunity to experience both kinds of pregnancies (though I'm not full term on #2 yet), I thought I'd do a couple of comparisons:

1. Positive pregnancy test & being accepted into an adoption program: When we found out we were pregnant with Lucy, we experienced a TON of emotions simultaneously. We were ecstatic. We were thankful about how quickly it happened but a little scared that we weren't necessarily ready for it to have happened that fast. We were terrified something could go wrong with the pregnancy. We were really naive about what it takes to be a parent. ETC. Most of those emotions were true for us when we were accepted by our agency into their Rwanda program. We were ecstatic, feeling like God had confirmed the decision by opening that door for us so quickly and we were simultaneously scared that maybe we started the process a little too early--maybe we weren't really ready (whatever "ready" means, right?!). We were thankful about how united we were in the decision to adopt. We were a little fearful that we'll end up being denied somewhere in the process. We were fearful maybe we were in over our heads, and we certainly were/are naive about what it takes to do this.

But, overall, we were CONFIDENT that God wanted Lucy for us and we are just as confident God wants this next child for us as well.

2. Second trimester bliss. The "are you sure I'm pregnant--I don't look or feel any different yet" stage of pregnancy is wonderful, but I had a really tough time feeling connected with the growing child inside of me. I didn't feel like she was my kid. I didn't feel like my life was going to radically change. Oh yeah, and I didn't want people to think I was just a little chubby--I wanted them to know I was actually PREGNANT. Similarly, when we first began the adoption process I felt pretty distant from the kid; I wasn't really connecting with them and I didn't feel like they were/are our child. The concept was just too abstract for me. I need something tangible and there isn't a 20-week ultrasound with adoptions. Though we've started praying more regularly for our child and we've started getting the house ready a little bit more, we're still very much in this stage, I think.

3. All the aches, pains and inconveniences of pregnancy...especially towards the end. Pregnancy, though one of the most amazing miracles God has given to me, wasn't exactly comfortable. Here are just a few of the discomforts: morning sickness, frequent/constant? bathroom breaks, hormonal/emotional roller coasters, heart burn, Braxton Hicks (false contractions), inability to sleep, etc. Well, our paper pregnancy has been filled with lots of these inconveniences and discomforts as well, and I know they only get worse towards the end. There are some more physical discomforts, like the 3lbs of paperwork we have to submit. But most of the difficulty really is in the emotional realm. It would be an understatement to say there have been days I've been an emotional mess. I have moments when my whole body aches with longing for our child. I have moments when I feel like I can barely breathe (sound familiar?) thinking about how we'll leave so many other children at the orphanage without a family. Just like in pregnancy there are nights I can't fall asleep, not because I'm physically uncomfortable, but because I know our child has gone through something traumatic and I'm not there to hold them and to tell them I love them. I have days where I feel like a complete failure because I'm taking so long to complete the paperwork. And I know that towards the end of this paper pregnancy, I'm going to be SICK OF WAITING and I'll just want to hold our child. But just like in a normal pregnancy when you're having terrible contractions, we're trying to focus on the incredible fact that a CHILD is coming to us to help us make it through. Even if the labor to get them here is slow and emotionally exhausting, the end result is WORTH it.

Oh yeah, and hopefully I won't yell at Hunter during labor this time.

Okay, well I think I'm running the risk of analogy overkill now, so, I'll stop here for now.

More to come soon!