I am but dust and ashes

I've been reading this book "The Blessing of a Skinned Knee". It has been refreshing and helpful regarding parenting issues, but it has challenged me in plenty of other areas of my life too.

The author mentions that there is a Hasidic teaching that says that everyone should walk around with two pieces of paper, one in your right pocket and one in your left. On the one sheet you should write “I am but dust and ashes” and on the other you should write “For my sake the world was created”. I would change the second statement to say something like “I was uniquely and purposefully made in God’s image” or “God sent His son to save me for ever and to transform me and the world for right now." But, the overall point of keeping both reminders with you is the same: so that when you’re tempted to take yourself too seriously, when you begin to think your role in the world is too important, when you think that God needs you instead of uses you, etc., it is time to pull out the paper that will remind you that you’re but dust and ashes. But, when you’re tempted to think God doesn’t love you, when you’re tempted to think that it doesn’t matter what you do with your life, that you’re nothing special, etc., then it is time to pull out the other.

As someone who arrogantly wants to change the world (and I usually think I can), it is appropriately humbling to read the true words that "I am like grass and will wither" (Isaiah 40), "I am dust" (Psalm 103) and "my days are a mere handbreath; the span of my years is as nothing before you" (Psalm 39). So, if you're like me and real resting is difficult (because obviously everything you do is SO important--from dishes to leading Bible study to work--and no one else will do it right), or if you tend to think your presence is not just helpful but critical...then I recommend you read those verses regularly.

However, if you struggle to believe that your life matters, or that you are deeply loved and God wants to use your life to bless the world in word and deed, please remember that you are wonderfully made in God's image (Genesis 1), God planned good works for you to do in advance (Ephesians 2) and there is nothing that can separate you from the love of God in Christ (Romans 8). "For you know the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, that though he was rich, yet for your sakes he became poor, so that you through his poverty might become rich" (2 Corinthians 8)

So anyway, this isn't meant to be license to just spend your life on yourself OR to feel demoralized about what you can/can't accomplish, I'm just agreeing that we are always both dust and God's treasure... I just usually need to be corrected with the dust verses.

So, we're excited to adopt this child, we don't think we're going to save the world, but we're grateful God's going to transform us by showing us more of his love through this precious one.

Status Update

So, we're officially waiting.  Before we thought we were waiting, but there was still stuff to do and watch for (like to see if the Fedex package was delivered).  Now, we're really just waiting.  And, for me at least, the worst part about this waiting is that we don't know how long it will be.  With that said, hearing anything in the next six weeks would be wishful thinking at this point, so I'm trying to mentally prepare myself for an extended radio silence.  

The hard thing with this waiting is that it is much more painful than I expected.  Knowing that there is a kid that we could be caring for tomorrow is going to be stuck in his or her crib for a couple more months is pretty debilitating for me (which is saying a lot for a guy who experiences a relatively small set of emotions - and really I can only say "small set" if I'm allowed to count hunger and fatigue as emotions).

Current Stage: Waiting for "Approval" from the Ministry of Family and Gender Promotion in Kigali...to the best of our knowledge our Dossier is sitting in the office in the queue of files that are awaiting review and approval.  

Timeframe: The shortest we've heard of is 6 weeks - the longest is about 6 months.  Needless to say, we've been praying that we'd be on the shorter side. 

the hotel crib...

Hunter, Lucy and I had a great weekend at the beach with his family, but one hard reminder of our peanut waiting for us. We got into our hotel room and, having requested one, saw the crib in the corner of the room for Lucy. It is the closest thing I've seen in the US to an orphanage's crib. It was probably half the size of a standard one (which is still bigger than the ones in Rwanda). It just made me ache inside for our little one so far away. On the second day I mentioned it to Hunter and he said he'd noticed too but didn't want to say anything (I tend to be a bit of a mess lately).

We love you already and can't wait to have you home. We're trying our hardest and praying every day that the day will come soon.