what I'm learning

Some things I'm learning:

• Instead of caring deeply about my friends, I mostly care about whether they think I'm a good friend or not. Which is why when I know I'm letting someone down, I spend 3x as much time explaining why I'm unable to be a good friend to them as I do listening to how they're doing. It is also why I feel insecurity when I think I've hogged too much of the talking time. I'm praying God will help me to know His ridiculously deep love for me so I can be freed to truly love people.
• The difference between conviction and guilt. I feel TONS of guilt right now about not carrying my weight. Not reading/praying as much as I used to. Not being there for friends when they have stuff going on. Etc. With a few exceptions in friendship (when there was true conviction), I think mostly this is unhealthy guilt. God hasn't made me feel convicted about not spending the same kind of time in the Word as before. But I feel guilty because I like to try to carry my weight. I like to try to earn people's (and God's) favor and love. I like to try to contribute. IIf I can just add this wise thought, give this thoughtful gift, spend this much time praying...THEN __ will be impressed by me or love me. I feel like in this crazy season of life (where I'm receiving much much more than I'm giving) I'm learning a lot about grace, that God doesn't need my contribution for anything. That there are seasons in life where we aren't as active or productive (in the same ways). I'm learning it in friendship too. and it is hard.
• To walk in the Spirit. I know a lot more about my limitations and the cost/benefit of choices I make now. Before, I really could just add on pretty much anything to a crazy day and it wouldn't cost me much. but it wasn't necessarily something I was supposed to do. Now, I don't have that margin and so I'm forced to ask more "is this something I'm supposed to do." My decisions shouldn't be based on whether it is going to cost me or my family something (emotionally, physically, etc.)-- if it is something God wants me/us to do, we should do it. On the other hand, just because it fits in for my day and I'm able to do it (in my own strength) doesn't mean I should. I'm trying to learn to walk in the Spirit and follow where He leads.
• Prioritizing marriage. well this is always going to be a learning process. but I long to have the marriage God wants us to have and in order to do that we need to work hard! So, I want us to make good choices about what we do with our margin.
• I need to close my computer to be a less selfish and better mom (and better wife). I'm struggling with selfishness a lot right now. Please pray for me to let my agenda and preferences go.

Life for the four Thompsons feels full. Isaiah really is thriving. Except for sleeping at night and continual tummy issues, he's doing unbelievably well (and those two issues are totally normal for this stage in the adjustment process). At night he still gets scared and feels insecure and takes a long time to fall asleep. Please pray we'll have grace for him in that. Lucy and Isaiah are becoming the best of friends. They fight like siblings of course, but they're so sweet to each other most of the time. and they LOVE to play together.

Okay...back to the reality of the mess of our house. hope everyone is well!!!