It's official

No, we haven't been approved or anything awesome like that. What's official, then, you ask? It's official that I'm "that mom." I've always prided myself in being calm, cool, collected. I don't stress out over little or big things. Until now. And it is out of control. Good grief.

As Hunter already shared, it is embarrassing how many times we've tracked our FedEx package to see if it has been picked up yet. No less than 20 times per day. After I send an email to our family coordinator at our adoption agency I press "send/receive" incessantly until I get a reply.

I told her (Terra, our family coordinator) that I'm struggling with figuring out whether I'm 100% supposed to be learning patience through this process or whether I'm supposed to be learning what it means to be an effective advocate for my children. Anyone who knew us when Hunter's appendix burst several years ago will know that I'm not the most aggressive patient/advocate and sometimes, like in health care situations, it is really important and good to be pushy to make sure you're getting excellent care.

I'm not going to overanalyze the situation, but I'm certain I'm supposed to be feeling a little more peaceful during this process and I need to seek that out better. But I'm also convinced that I'm supposed to learn what it means to actively wait, pushing for things to go through so we can get our child home ASAP. Having to fight for our kid (not against anyone in particular) is also teaching me not to cling too tightly to a desired image of myself: really composed, unflappable, etc. Obviously I can swing too far the other way, but since my bent is to never push it, perhaps it is a little bit of growth for me if people think I'm being a little over aggressive.

In any case, I'll also be praying that we'll find comfort in these verses that Terra sent to me:
Isaiah 40:31 Yet those who wait for the LORD will gain new strength; they will mount up with wings like eagles, they will run and not get tired, they will walk and not become weary.