Wednesday, December 30, 2009
update
We now have tentative travel dates: January 22-February 5th. SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO excited. Wish like crazy it was sooner, but am so thankful that in a little over three weeks we'll be meeting our son face-to-face. I can hardly believe it.
one major change that we'll have to navigate along with our agency and other traveling families is that we're going to Kenya to process Isaiah's visa (instead of Ethiopia). There may be some difficulties going this route...but the Ethiopia option isn't great either. Please pray that this will go smoothly so we don't have to be away from home any longer than necessary.
Did I mention that we get to see our son in 3 weeks. HOLY SMOKES.
Saturday, December 26, 2009
Court on Wednesday!!!
So, while court may seem like a formality since we've received so many approvals at this point, let me tell you the AMAZING thing that's declared that day.
When the judge hits his gavel during Isaiah and our family's court proceeding, he is declaring:
That this made-in-God's image, beautiful child is officially OUR SON. Lucy's BROTHER. Jack, Renee, Alex, Simon and Gabi's COUSIN. Blake, Beth, Sherri, Dave, Stephanie, Matt and KayLeigh's NEPHEW. Linda, Ron, Dottie and Bob's GRANDSON...the GREAT NEPHEW of the 11 brothers and sisters (and spouses) my dad has, the 7 brothers and sisters (and spouses) my mom has, the 4 brothers and sisters (and spouses) that Hunter's dad has. and on and on and on.
Not to mention his many unbelievable friends who have loved and longed for him with us.
And WE, my friends, are the ones who are BLESSED (I'm so freaking excited I can barely contain myself).
Please pray for that gavel to hit, declaring us his family and him our son.
Sunday, December 13, 2009
confessions...warning: a little intense
The following are some pretty significant ways I've struggled internally while Hunter and I have lived in a somewhat blighted Richmond neighborhood, as I've worked for a few pretty incredible international organizations and as we've gone through Isaiah's adoption process. I want to share them because I think it is easy for people to think (too) well of people who adopt or who do other things motivated by faith that aren't exactly mainstream. And, I think it is also easy for those of us who are doing those things to think too highly or too often about ourselves and what we're doing to serve God. I'm still struggling with these issues and being humbled by the crevices of my heart; still continually needing grace and forgiveness, though I can now name several of them.
So with the warning that this isn't going to be a chipper, rah-rah post, let me summarize what will follow with the statement that over the past several years God has graciously exposed in me the reality that many of my motives for living where we live, choosing my vocation (where I work for an organization that creatively and dignifyingly (webster?) responds to the needs of those who are poor), adopting a son from Rwanda, etc. have nothing to do with obedience. Have nothing to do with following God. Have nothing to do with a humble sacrifice. But have a LOT to do with managing the way I want people to perceive me and going the way I want to go.
Okay, maybe that's too strong. But, the point is valid. I'm going to use a couple of ruining (for me) quotations and then explain some of these impure motives. Surely our motives aren't only impure (I was, like you, made in God's image after all), but I have a managed to twist even some of the beautiful ways God made me so that I receive glory and credit instead of Him. And I want to tell you about it. I hope that by admitting some of these issues I can invite others of you to consider your motives and be stripped (if necessary) of some of those ugly places in you too. It is a humbling, painful and sometimes difficult process but I believe it leads to a lot more joy, richer relationships and a more abundant life. At least it has for me.
1. "I love my reputation for knowing God more than I love God." Reread that. Ouch. A while back, like many of you, I made a decision about whose approval I most wanted. For some of you it is your boss. Your parents. Your spouse. ETC. For me, it is radically faithful Christians (the ones who live among the poor). Mother Teresa types.I have the most respect for their faith and thus I want to emulate it and I want them to think well of me too. Now of course I can't pretend like there is no genuine faith mixed in for me...there definitely is. I know that God has given me strong faith. I'm just saying that my actions are also persuaded by the approval and affirmation I'll receive from the people I respect most.
Further, we happen to live in a time when American Christians are, for the most part, respected and honored if they are on the right side of global justice and poverty issues. That's a really good shift in the church since she was rightly accused of neglecting those issues before. But, decisions to work for international organizations serving the poor, then, might have very little to do with obedience...we could be merely following a really positive fad. For some of the wrong reasons (approval, acclaim, fitting in, status, etc.). Sigh.
2. “Nothing disciplines the inordinate desires of the flesh like service, and nothing transforms the desires of the flesh like serving in hiddenness. The flesh whines against service but screams against hidden service. It pulls for honor and recognition. It will devise subtle, religiously acceptable means to call attention to the service rendered.” - Richard Foster
Blogging can be really, really spiritually dangerous, friends. It can be a really useful, beautiful tool for informing people about your life, encouraging and spurring others on...and it can also be a tool to manipulate life to make people think well of you. You can start basing your worth in the number of (positive) comments you receive and the number of "hits" on your website. It is really sickening and there have been a few times throughout this journey when I've wondered if, for my own spiritual good, I needed to stop writing.
Matthew 6: 1-8: Be careful not to do your ‘acts of righteousness’ before men, to be seen by them. If you do, you will have no reward from your Father in heaven. So when you give to the needy, do not announce it with trumpets, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and on the streets, to be honored by men. I tell you the truth, they have received their reward in full. But when you give to the needy, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, so that your giving may be in secret. Then, your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.”
Sometimes I think we believe that it is only the materially rich who are reaping their rewards on earth, “where moth and rust destroy.” But, friends, you and I are tempted by a different form of pre-eternal reward: man’s acclaim for our works of righteousness. Every time we strive for attention, subtly manipulate a conversation or Facebook update to communicate something we’re doing for Jesus, we are robbing ourselves of true, eternal reward. It is always interesting to me that Jesus doesn’t say we won’t get a reward if we do our ‘acts of righteousness’ this way. He simply and devastatingly says we get our reward in full; we just get it here (from man), and not here and later (from our Father.)
It is tricky, though, when it comes to blogging and other means of influence. Foster in the same article later talks about how true service doesn’t fear the lights and blare of attention. Some of you are going to be in positions of God-given influence. But, you should be cautioned in this way so you don't let the attention injure your soul. I’m not suggesting we never tell people about what God's doing, but I’m suggesting that we ask God to examine our motives when we’re doing it. How much of it is to encourage someone, glorify God and obey him…and how much of it is to make ourselves look good?
I think I'll always struggle with this...but I hope being aware of it will at least help me admit weakness and sin faster and go to battle a little bit better.
(BTW, I want to be clear that in this part I'm not talking about Isaiah joining our family. I think adoption simply fits our family really well. I don't see it as an "Act of righteousness." Yes, we're motivated by Scripture that talks about adoption...but we also feel like we're just a family offering a family to a child made in God's image...who, strangely, has felt like part of our family from the beginning. We're not doing it out of some major act of obedience as if it feels like a sacrifice. It just makes tons of sense to us and we're so stinking excited to have him in our family. WE'RE the ones who feel like we're receiving much on this one.)
3. “Great acts of virtue are rare because they are seldom called for. When the occasion for you to do something great comes, it has its own rewards: the excitement, the respect gained from others, and the pride that will accompany your ability to do such “great” things. To do small things that are right continually, without being noticed, is much more important. These small acts attack your pride, your laziness, your self-centeredness, and your oversensitive nature. It is much more appealing to make great sacrifices to God, however hard they might be, so that you might do whatever you want with the small decisions of your life. Faithfulness in the little things better proves your true love for God. It is the slow, plodding path rather than a passing fit of enthusiasm that matters." Francois Fenelon.
I'm not sure I need to explain myself any further other than to say that I am drawn much more to these great acts of virture and I'm quite selfish with the ways I will serve otherwise. Just ask Hunter or Lucy.
I could go on because these conversations and issues are really really important for our souls. But so is sleep.
Thursday, December 10, 2009
act of adoption
So excited for the Furrs who arrived in Rwanda to meet their daughter Elsa today!!
Sunday, December 6, 2009
conflicted praying
Throughout this process of waiting for our child from Rwanda (whom we now know is Isaiah), Hunter and I have gone through seasons of feeling conflicted while praying for our child. And now as we quickly (praise God!) approach picking him up, we feel conflicted again.
It isn’t that we’re unsure of what we hope and pray for for him: a soft heart towards God, well established and deeply rooted faith, good sleep and nourishment, tender touches from others, a rich sense of his heavenly Father’s love, faith that lends itself to him being able to rejoice in the LORD always (despite circumstances), resilience and humility, that he’d bring joy and light to others even now, etc. And my current bout with discomfort regarding picking him up isn’t that I’m unsure I want Isaiah in our family (good grief, I can’t keep my eyes or mind off him!).
Here’s what’s making us uncomfortable or conflicted: how can we pray for our child in particular when there are so many of his friends who won’t end up in families? How can we pray for special acts of kindness directed at him when we want all of the children to be specially touched and cared for? (This really paralyzed me for a while). How can we rejoice in meeting our son while we leave so many children behind (not only where our son lived…but all over the world)? I’m not trying to sound super compassionate or holy or anything. I’m just practically saying that praying for something special for our son feels somewhat unfair or selfish sometimes.
During the long stretch when we didn’t know who our particular child was, this ache was even more acute. Literally every kid at Home of Hope was “ours”. Has that really changed? Who is my father, mother, brother, sister, daughter, son? Are we not a family, all across the world, of children made in our heavenly Father’s image? Aren't we all somewhat responsible to every other human?
Anyway, as we continue this journey to pick up our son, I’ll continue to rejoice (I mean REALLY REALLY REALLY rejoice) as Isaiah joins our family and continue to pray for specific things for people in our particular family…but I’ll also continue to feel conflicted about who my family is and ask God to show me what that means and how to pray.
May we feel compelled by God’s mercy and love towards us, because of the way he adopted US into his family, to obediently love others in whatever ways God shows us, until God places every single lonely one into a family. Until he restores everything that’s broken. Until he wipes every tear. Until all his promises are fulfilled. Pray with me for Isaiah’s friends. Our brothers and sisters.
Friday, December 4, 2009
Making room for a Son
Anyway, as we make TONS of preparations for Isaiah to join our family: getting his room ready, gathering/borrowing/buying? clothes and shoes, reading lots about toddler transitions and adoption, etc. I'm reminded about the Son I really need to prepare my life for. The Son of God who loves you, me, Lucy, Isaiah, Hunter, and everybody else in the whole world. The only One who can really sustain me, who is worth living and dying for. Who made me. Who prepared my heart to love both Lucy and Isaiah. Who died so that I could have life to the fullest.
As much as I am eagerly anticipating and LONGING and aching for the arrival of our son, will you please pray with me that during this Advent season (while we're together preparing to celebrate the arrival of Jesus) I would long more for Jesus than I do for our kid, that my heart would be warmer towards Jesus than it is for anything else? Would you pray that we'd be preparing our house for the coming of Jesus...while also preparing for Isaiah?
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
Dear Isaiah
I love you! Gosh how I long to tell you that. To look into those deep, dark, beautiful eyes of yours and tell you how much I love you. Even typing those words makes me cry. You know how I spent at least 75% of my day today? Looking at your pictures, changing the size of them (600% sometimes! you're really handsome up close), turning my face sideways, changing the angle on the computer, etc. to see if I could see any new parts of you…trying to pretend like it was 4-d instead of flat. I’m sure people think I’m crazy. I kind of feel like it right now too.
I got to see a picture of you that was taken today. IT WAS AMAZING. For a second I felt like I lived a real-life moment with you (because it was sent from a phone). A picture was snapped and then not very long after, I got to see your face. Your precious, beautiful, kissable face. I wanted to jump through the computer and into your room. To sing goodnight to you. To tell you over and over and over again how much you’re loved. I know the women taking care of you right now love you so much. They’re showing you so much love and they're helping us get to you. We’re so thankful. We’ll be there soon, my love. We’re coming. We long for you so much it makes my tummy ache most of the time. Daddy thinks I’m a flight risk. I think so too. When we get there, I’ll try not to squeeze you too much. I’m not sure if I’ll be able to control myself so I might need to let Daddy carry you some. Might. He’ll have to pry you off me though. I called dibs on getting to hold you first. Daddy didn't like when I tried to claim rights to that enormous privilege.
Have I told you what an amazing daddy you have? He's super fun, silly, smart and loves you SO MUCH. Don't tell him I told you this, but he cried really hard when we opened up your picture. They were the kind of tears that say "I'm not sure I've ever been this happy!" We just kept hugging each other and crying because we were so amazed by you! Daddy is already so proud to be your dad. He tells everyone at work and everywhere else about his amazing son. His first born son. That's you.
Your sister Lucy prayed for you at lunch today, that you’d have your eyes opened to see God. We pray for you together every night, every time we eat and before she takes her nap. She sometimes still calls you brother-sister, but she’ll get the hang of it soon. She is SO proud when she carries your picture around and shows people. “This is my bruder.” (Don’t worry, I printed about 50 copies of the same picture…different levels of closeness on the same picture. 8x10, 4x6, 5x7…you’re everywhere). We’re just so proud to call you our son! We want to shout it from the mountaintop!!!
Okay, I am supposed to be working right now. But do you remember your friend Myles? He lived at Home of Hope with you for a little bit. Well, I was chatting with his mommy telling her how I was having a really hard time concentrating because I just want to be with you so much, and she gave me the good idea of writing to you to help me. I’m glad I’ll get to show you this someday to show you how much you mean to me, even before we’ve met. I would put this in some sort of scrapbook...but as you'll soon learn, I'm worthless at that kind of thing.
I love you. Keep sleeping well my heart born son.
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
pray for us?
Thankful for you.
more info on our peanut
Please pray for us to get our medical info soon so we can officially accept our referral and start working on a court date. Thanks!!