So, as any of you who read our blog last week could tell, I was a mess. I wanted so desperately to be understood, to have people care more deeply about our kid and about kids who are in tough situations. I wanted people to be wrecked like I was about how hard this world can be. I don't think that's all bad.
Upon further reflection and with the help of some friends, though, I realize that while some of my motives were good (it is good to have our knowledge of the world and God expanded), I also sense my desperate need for your collective nod of approval. I want other people to affirm me by doing the same things I do...even if perhaps that's not the journey to which God has called them. I don't just want people to adopt, I want them to adopt from Rwanda. I don't just want people to care about God, I want them to talk about it and live it out the way I do. I'm looking to you all to justify what we're doing...instead of God being enough.
I'm sorry I'm not very good at affirming differences in people and the ways we were all made. I will try to live out the things God has shown me, called my family to...without being so excited that I make you feel like you have to do it too. I'll try not to be so alienating and harsh.
I'm stealing this from someone I don't know who wrote this on her blog--I thought it was GREAT!:
...here is my (adoption related) pet peeve of the day: adoption superiority.
What is that, you may ask?
Well... basically, when we ventured out into this territory - I thought it was one big happy family. The Adoption Community. We are one in the bonds of love, and all that jazz. Ummmm.... NO. It's more like Adoption High School.
Remember High School? Sure you do... jocks, nerds, goths, skaters, cheerleaders, preps, richie rich, star wars freaks, etc, etc, etc.Well... transpose those "categories" to the adoption world and you have:
- Domestic VS. International...
- Foster/Adopt VS. Infant program...
- Independent Adoption VS Agency Program...
- Waiting Child VS. Infant...
- Special Needs VS Non-special needs...
- Sibling Group VS One Child...
There is this sort of hierarchy of adopting parents - those who have adopted multiple times or multiple children are at the top - the jocks and cheerleaders of the community. Let me also say that I don't think EVERY person is called to adopt PERSONALLY. I think that there are family situations that would not make this possible and not every person could handle a child much less more than one. I do feel that as Christians, we are called to care for widows and orphans. Church bodies are supposed to lead the way and help those who are called - allowing them to fund-raise, helping them along, lending a hand in some way. But there is this whole segment of the adoption community - the "holier than thou's" - who think that if you can't adopt for some reason, or just don't feel called to personally adopt - that you are less of a human for it. You are somehow going against the Lord's will for your life if you do not adopt. See Ephesians 4:11-12 for clarification of the way God designed His church to function. If God places adoption on your heart, you are in SIN not to do it. If you do not feel called to adopt - - I am certain beyond a shadow of a doubt that you are called to some other purpose that is just as important to His heart. We all are. If everyone were 110% focused on adoption - who would care for the elderly in nursing homes? Who would work at the soup kitchens? Who would rake leaves for the disabled this fall? Who would drive their neighbor to the doctor's office? There are many ways that we are to be Jesus' hands and feet - we can't all be the arm or the ankle. All are equally important. (Even if you do feel like the appendix in the Body of Christ... find your purpose!)
- God forbid I ever look down on another family because they are adopting from a country I don't feel called to.
- I hope I never criticize anyone for adopting one child while a sibling group waits.
- I hope I never become the "high and mighty" or the "know-it-all" who second guesses motives and choices a family is making.
- I hope I only uplift and encourage those who feel called to this often-times-not-fun process!
I was just thinking of some of these thoughts as Orphan Sunday came and went, and I stewed in my own righteousness.... not a great place experience grace. Thanks for sharing
ReplyDeleteLOL - that's my mostly-anonymous blog. Thanks for reading! And don't worry... I totally GET the feeling that the country your kids are from is the greatest one out there! We have past issues that keep us from Rwanda. We have to get through our "first" adoption before we can venture into more unknown territories so we are starting somewhere safe.
ReplyDeleteWanna here my holier-than-thou confession? I didn't want to adopt from Ethiopia because "everyone is adopting from Ethiopia"... yes, THAT's Right... Everyone. You know, like that one family I know, and the lady who had the yard sale last weekend, and I am pretty sure there was this one family at a local park who said their daughter was from Ethiopia... you know... EVERYone.
Beloved, you waiting moms are my heroes. I don't know how effective I will be when it is my time... I was annoyed that I couldn't get my physical scheduled today since I was waiting on my new insurance cards in the mail and its a holiday! LOL!
Praying for you as you wait...
Kiki