feeling the love of the Father

So I'm at this conference for work (that I'll never forgive my friend Susie (whom I've never met) for skipping out on--JK, friend) Anyway, the topic is 100% in line with the ways I want and need to care for HOPE's expatriate staff. The topic is: Mental Health and Missions: assessing and fostering resilience in expats in hard posts. So, so interesting and helpful and I'm learning tons about ways to do my job better. Ways to support these amazing people better so they can do what God's called them to do. So they can love God and the vulnerable in places like Afghanistan and Congo, while seeing brokeness everywhere. Seeing promises God has made that He's not quite brought to fruition yet. So they can still hope. Still believe. Still worship.

Umm...it probably is obvious to you where this is going but I was really only seeing this as a work trip. It didn't occur to me until I started my 10 hour drive to get here how much I needed this. How it is hard for me to love God and the vulnerable right now because of the brokenness. It didn't occur to me until I was sobbing off and on during the drive (in rain...not so safe) that I need this topic as much as my friends overseas.

God is so gracious to give me this time. To have 4 days where I know no one. Where literally everyone's a counselor so they don't question my occasional uncontrollable crying during worship, when I'm reminded of God's promises and work. Where the resources on grief, suffering, hardship (and God's goodness in the midst of it) are literally everywhere. I'm so, so, so thankful for these several days away, to reorient myself with the Father's deep love. Deep commitment to wipe every tear. Make everything right. To remember that we're told that there will be serious disappointments and longings in life that won't be right until heaven. To be free to ache with faith and hope...without feeling any need to pretend I've got it together.

Who'd have thunk, several months ago when I planned to be here, how much I would need it.

Well, God did. The last several weeks have been so strange and hard. And yet, there have continually been situations that I can't question are ways He's shown me his love in the midst of it. Please pray while I'm here that I'll see him. Worship him. Delight in him and find resilience myself.