Dear Isaiah

Dear Isaiah:
I love you! Gosh how I long to tell you that. To look into those deep, dark, beautiful eyes of yours and tell you how much I love you. Even typing those words makes me cry. You know how I spent at least 75% of my day today? Looking at your pictures, changing the size of them (600% sometimes! you're really handsome up close), turning my face sideways, changing the angle on the computer, etc. to see if I could see any new parts of you…trying to pretend like it was 4-d instead of flat. I’m sure people think I’m crazy. I kind of feel like it right now too.

I got to see a picture of you that was taken today. IT WAS AMAZING. For a second I felt like I lived a real-life moment with you (because it was sent from a phone). A picture was snapped and then not very long after, I got to see your face. Your precious, beautiful, kissable face. I wanted to jump through the computer and into your room. To sing goodnight to you. To tell you over and over and over again how much you’re loved. I know the women taking care of you right now love you so much. They’re showing you so much love and they're helping us get to you. We’re so thankful. We’ll be there soon, my love. We’re coming. We long for you so much it makes my tummy ache most of the time. Daddy thinks I’m a flight risk. I think so too. When we get there, I’ll try not to squeeze you too much. I’m not sure if I’ll be able to control myself so I might need to let Daddy carry you some. Might. He’ll have to pry you off me though. I called dibs on getting to hold you first. Daddy didn't like when I tried to claim rights to that enormous privilege.

Have I told you what an amazing daddy you have? He's super fun, silly, smart and loves you SO MUCH. Don't tell him I told you this, but he cried really hard when we opened up your picture. They were the kind of tears that say "I'm not sure I've ever been this happy!" We just kept hugging each other and crying because we were so amazed by you! Daddy is already so proud to be your dad. He tells everyone at work and everywhere else about his amazing son. His first born son. That's you.

Your sister Lucy prayed for you at lunch today, that you’d have your eyes opened to see God. We pray for you together every night, every time we eat and before she takes her nap. She sometimes still calls you brother-sister, but she’ll get the hang of it soon. She is SO proud when she carries your picture around and shows people. “This is my bruder.” (Don’t worry, I printed about 50 copies of the same picture…different levels of closeness on the same picture. 8x10, 4x6, 5x7…you’re everywhere). We’re just so proud to call you our son! We want to shout it from the mountaintop!!!

Okay, I am supposed to be working right now. But do you remember your friend Myles? He lived at Home of Hope with you for a little bit. Well, I was chatting with his mommy telling her how I was having a really hard time concentrating because I just want to be with you so much, and she gave me the good idea of writing to you to help me. I’m glad I’ll get to show you this someday to show you how much you mean to me, even before we’ve met. I would put this in some sort of scrapbook...but as you'll soon learn, I'm worthless at that kind of thing.

I love you. Keep sleeping well my heart born son.