Dear Lucy

Lucy Goosey:
This is a really big week for all of us. And I think you can sense it. Either that or it is that you're 2 1/2 and really hitting the not-so-wonderful stretch (also known as the terrible twos). Probably both. I get the sense, though, (from increased clinginess, incessant whining and the way you strive for attention when people ask and talk about Isaiah) that you feel change coming. And you're a little nervous.

I'm a little nervous too. I have LOVED every minute of being your mom. Just us at home. I wasn't actually sure what I would be like as a mom...and I'm not necessarily the mom I thought I would be. For example, I'm WAY more mooshy and emotional than I thought I would be. My eyes get all watery (yes, that means I'm crying and just have a hard time admitting it) most times I'm around babies. My heart aches for you when I'm gone even for just a day or two. I just love getting to watch you grow. Let's just say that you've won me over to this whole mommying thing.

You did a couple of things in the past week that made my heart leap. Last week during church you looked over at me while we were singing a song and you raised your hand like me. Then you got the sweetest smile on your face. Like you knew it would delight my soul. I can't wait to see you worship Jesus and I pray I won't hinder you coming to him as a child and that I won't offer you a narrow route for how your faith has to look. I just pray you'll worship him in spirit and truth and that He'll be the center of your life.

Then today your brother gave you a play kitchen (well, actually Daddy and I bought it because we thought you were starting to resent your brother. In addition to praying that your heart would grow to deeply love your brother, we decided to work other angles as well. it's cool.) Anyway, you have a really little kitchen upstairs and you asked me if we could give that one to your friend Cadence because you have a new one now. I love that little generous spirit and the way you want to make others feels special. So sweet. (sorry in advance, Joel and Nikki...you're welcome to take it to fantastic thrift where it came from. I have to let her give it to Cadence now!)

Anyway, I know this is going to be a hard adjustment. I wish there were books about learning how to love being a big sister. well of course there are books about that, but I wish there were books about "I'm a big sister to a little brother who is younger but bigger than me. and my parents left me for 2 weeks to pick him up and now are practically ignoring me even though he's the same age as me and perfectly capable of feeding and clothing himself." A little too specific, huh? (By the way, she's 27 or 28 lbs and he's a hefty 31...although she's 5 months older).

Honestly, I'm not really sure what it is going to feel like. I bet it is going to be really hard when we come home and have been gone for 2 weeks and then we have to spend so much time helping Isaiah adjust to life here and don't have as much time/margin to spend extra special time with you... even though I can assure you that we'll miss you like crazy. We're praying that you will somehow "care more about others' (Isaiah's) interests than your own" (Phil 2). And we're praying that we'll know how to help you adjust to this new role.

Don't get me wrong, you're really excited about a lot of things with Isaiah coming home. You're really excited to show him where the trampoline is, where he will eat, which clothes are his, etc. You're really excited to have a constant playmate, someone to boss around...I mean someone to play school with, etc. Until this morning you were really excited to show him his bed... but then Daddy helped me realize we had to break something to you that might be hard. Well, Isaiah is going to stay in our room for a while. And let's just say you were less than thrilled with that announcement. We talked, though, about how you've gotten so much snuggle time with mommy and daddy and that Isaiah hasn't gotten that kind of snuggle time yet...so we have to help him catch up a little and feel safe in our house. You seemed to come around to the idea a little more...but I have a feeling this is going to be a battle for you. and you're not going to like it.

Let me assure you of a few things you might not sense at first. There's plenty of room in our hearts for both of you. God made us in this crazy way where our capacity to love is immeasureable. It multiplies in ways we don't understand. Our family will be different. Sometimes or oftentimes it might be hard. But it will be our journey of life together. And I LOVE that we're on it together.

Also, God is your rock. As much as we've prayed that Isaiah would sense God's presence with him always...especially during the transition when he's likely to feel really shaken/confused, etc. We've prayed that he'd sense God's constancy and His physical presence with him the whole time. We're praying that for you too, Luce. Your daddy and I are going to try as hard as we can to give you a solid, secure foundation in our family...but we're going to desperately pray that you'd know that God is your rock. Because of Him you'll never be shaken. I pray even in this situation you'll grow to trust that. That you'll sense His presence with you and that His love for you will help you to feel love and to give love to Isaiah.

I love you like crazy Luce and I can't wait to see what you're going to be like as a big sister.