knowing you

Dear Isaiah:

It has almost been a week of knowing you and you completely melt my heart. I think all the aching and the crying and the waiting really prepared my heart to love you deeply. That and the fact that you're so stinking adorable I can't help it. I still can barely believe that you're really with us.

Here are a few memories for you from this week:

• When we pulled up to the gate to meet you for the first time, I could barely breathe. I kept trying deep breaths, but I just couldn't do it. I've never felt so nervous or excited before in my life. Really, never.
• When we walked in, I completely lost it. Daddy and I didn't guess that I'd cry (we guessed he would)...but before they brought you to us, as we stood there soaking in the moment that we had anticipated and ached for for so long, I just wept tears of joy. Tears of gladness. I just couldn't believe we really got to have you.
• You SCREAMED your head off when you met us. to be expected. and you calmed down because we gave you a cookie and a few cars to play with. I pretended it was just because you knew us. But really, it was the cookie.
• But 15 minutes into the time together, you were already starting to warm up. I kept kissing you on your forehead and you kept leaning back in to get another one. You definitely were eager to be held...and we were eager to oblige.
• Looking at my pictures over the past week, you can see SO much joy on Daddy's and my faces. It is because God gave us you. And we still kind of can't believe it.
• You played hard to get for a few days. You didn't make a sound. Literally. Your face was completely stoic. Even when we were playing together you could tell you were nervous. Now that I know how coordinated you are, I can tell the first few days you were just too nervous to play with the cars, to throw the ball, etc. I'm sorry you felt scared.
• The third day you started to open up. We were at dinner with a bunch of friends from the travel group and I overheard one of them talking about you. She repeated it for me to hear, "you can just tell he's warming up, even by how his face is relaxing." The first few days everything about you was stiff. Being with us (and away from Home of Hope) was a really scary thing for you. But, that third night at dinner, I think you started to sense a little more that we loved you. That we're here to stay. And you started giving us little grins. The whole table celebrated with us. It was so sweet. I put you on my lap and we played "I'm a piece of popcorn" and you LOVED being thrown in the air. we probably did it 50 times. Your smile made my year.
• Honestly, ever since then you've just continued to progress. Everyone comments on how adorable you are, how much personality you have, etc. I've taken a bajillion pictures of you because you're just so cute.
• You said "ucy" yesterday. (Lucy). You've said water, bottle, mama, Isaiah (wow), too. We're praying your language will develop quickly because it is so hard to not be able to communicate. and we want to remove that frustration for you!
• We went to say goodbye to the sisters and caretakers at Home of Hope and several of them came up to meet "Mama Dieudonne" and to squeeze you. 3 in particular were doting on you and were sad to see you go. But, of course, they REJOICED that you have a family.

Honestly, I am completely blown away by you, Isaiah. I am sooooooooo thrilled to be your mommy and I'm praying God will give us the grace we need to know how to love and parent you well. (we pray that same thing for Lucy). You are my ached for, longed for, greatly anticipated gift of God. And I'm so thankful for you. I love you so much it makes my tummy hurt.