give the people what they want

I know most (all?) of you read this to hear about our family...especially Isaiah (and, ahem, not so much to hear me go on and on and on about myself and my problems). so, I'll stop indulging myself and "give the people what they want" (an update and pictures).

I can't think of a good way to summarize, but here goes

• Our kids are sleeping right now so I LOVE my life and can barely believe I get to live it. Actually, if you asked me at just about any point today I would have said the same thing. But today was an exceptionally great day. I usually am only foolish and forgetful enough to exclaim "I love my life" wholeheartedly when the kiddos are sleeping. because;
• WE HAVE TWO 2-YEAR OLDS AND THAT'S CRAZY AND EXHAUSTING. it is rewarding and full and rich in all the right ways, too...but I'm so spent at the end of the day I sometimes forget. Lord help me not to miss how great this is!
• We're usually doing very well. Isaiah is so freaking cute it kind of kills me. Seriously adorable. I still feel like I have to pinch myself because I can't believe he's really home. He so clearly loves being home and I sometimes catch myself just staring at him. unable to comprehend this love that was so deep so fast...and unable to imagine his life or our lives before he came home. it makes me want to cry and vomit all at once. remember my once terrified of the baths son? he's now clearly obsessed.
• Lucy and Isaiah LOVE each other. sure they have their little sibling battles, but I couldn't have really asked for a better adjustment for either of them. I love to see the way they're different because of each other. Lucy likes jumping off of unsafe things and is, generally more physical and adventurous than before. Isaiah likes reading books and playing dress-up. well, maybe he doesn't like playing dress-up...but he definitely doesn't want to be left out of anything Lucy's doing.

• He's learning English so quickly. It is absolutely amazing. he'll repeat just about anything Lucy says and Lucy proudly tells everyone she's teaching Isaiah how to talk. it is true. her chatty kathy nature is super helpful these days.

The harder stuff:

• While he's learning english so well, it isn't like he's proficient and I can't really explain things to him. sometimes I feel like a cavewoman grunting things at him. just yelling "NO! NO NO TOUCH." "NO! NO NO HIT!" "NO! NO NO JUMP DOWN 6 STAIRS AT ONE TIME!" (he really almost did that today). I rationalize my behavior--shrieking "NO!", smacking his bottom (without warning sometimes)to make sure he gets that he's not allowed to do something, etc.--by saying I can't explain things to him yet. his english isn't good enough. and it is my job to help keep him and Lucy safe. Please pray I'll know how to teach him well and not just yell him into obedience. ugh. i promise I'm not just mean.
• Isaiah almost chokes most times when he eats because he eats so fast. Not just like, haha, lots of little kids do that. like scary. a fighter's instinct and it makes me really sad. he gets deeply upset if we don't give him more and more food, which we continue to usually allow...but we're still praying he'll trust that he's going to get plenty and he'll stop gorging.
• He's started crawling and babbling/grunting a lot. Don't forget, he's 2 and change. We knew we were going to treat him like a baby sometimes, to promote bonding/attachment, but I didn't realize he was going to instinctually start acting like a baby too. because he missed getting to be a baby with parents to treat him like a baby (I LOVE LOVE LOVE the sisters at Home of Hope, but this is one of the reasons they're thrilled there are families waiting for these kiddos. they know they can't provide the attention and love these kiddos need). it is fascinating and terribly sad (hard to explain) but it is unbelievable, too, how his body is making him do things he needs to do.
• Speaking of his body...who knows what's going on in his tummy? I mean, some of it is just chunk. but not all of it. and I stink at follow through with doctors. God knew that, though, right? going lactose free has DEFINITELY helped with the bowel issues. this doesn't look like a kiddo with raging intestines, does it?!
• Where did the time go? Seriously, there is margin for NOTHING now. Before we brought Isaiah home, we didn't necessarily understand why we were supposed to back out of most commitments and communicate clearly that we're about to be in a new, (potentially) super intense and unpredictable season. but we trusted people who've gone ahead of us, set expectations with close people and we're so thankful. Bedtime takes a long time with Isaiah (anywhere from 1 to 2 1/2 hours...maybe 90 minutes average?) and we don't leave him by himself for it. (there are a lot of different approaches and every family is different, but it seems like Isaiah needs the added reassurance of our presence with him when he falls asleep. night time is really hard for him. we have, however, started putting him in the crib to fall asleep next to us, instead of in bed with us. progress!) anyway, I'm so glad we set expectations with others or I'd feel like a colossal failure. we've been on 2 evening outings (them city folk call them dates.) since we've been home (that's not terrible!) and I can't actually remember if I have or not, but I think I've had one other night when I didn't put one of the kids in bed (oh yeah, Lucy still won't go to sleep or be by herself since the Good Friday/Easter incident. blasted me! so it takes a good 30-60 minutes with her too) all that's to say, we didn't know exactly what it would be, but planning for your schedule to not be your own is smart! we miss you small group, evening dinners with friends, etc. However, I love getting to read more. (what else ya going to do quietly for 2 hours in a room while your son falls asleep?)
• I'm not working anymore. Sigh. Up until a few weeks ago (though I was on maternity leave since January), I worked for an amazing organization, HOPE International, which provides microloans to some creativity-and-innovation rich but materially very poor clients who live in developing countries. I was providing emotional and spiritual (and practical) support to our staff who work as expatriates (not working in their country of citizenship). BUT, like I said above...where did the margin go? I hope at some point to be able to work outside of the home again, using different gifts and skills God has given me, but since we're able for me to be home full time and since we feel like we definitely need to carefully and consistently nurture our marriage during this tough season (i.e., something always gives, right? for us/me, we need to be careful to prioritize marriage not just other important/good things), I let my boss know I can't continue. Major bummer for me but we feel like it is the right call for our family and I won't begrudge what feels like God's gracious leading. just another example of needing to be aware that adjustments are likely necessary when you add a child/children to your home!! expect to be surprised! (I am confident, by the way, that God knows each family, each child, each circumstance and could do completely opposite things in other people's lives, without being contradictory to His nature.)
• Hunter and I are doing really well. We're in this together and leaning on each other pretty well. We have our bad moments of course, but overall I'd say that God's grace is enabling us to thrive in our marriage (as much as is possible) right now.

As you can tell, the first three months home with Isaiah has been a blissful blur. I only vaguely remember how terrible the pain of laboring Lucy was. I think I'll only vaguely remember how exhausting and tiring our transition home with Isaiah has been. But I will never forget the intense pain of the waiting. the intense joy of the moment just before we met him, as I hugged Hunter and wept over God's great provision and love.

God has been so gracious to our family. forever. Thanks for checking in on us and supporting us.