tribute to our dad

Our dad was the recipient of the 100th anniversary Boy Scouts of America Distinguished Citizen award for the region we live in, and last night was the dinner and awards ceremony. A few weeks ago my sisters and I decided to touch base with the event organizers to see if we could surprise our dad by giving a short tribute during the ceremony. We were so grateful that they allowed us to do that. It was a really memorable time. There were so many more things we could have said about him, but they told us we had 3 minutes and (shhhhh) I knew this was at least 4. so we had to stop somewhere. enjoy reading about our wonderful dad!

Good evening, my name is Adrianne Thompson and I am the very proud daughter of Ron Vodenichar. I am number three of four daughters in our family. So in several ways, it is no small feat that, of all the organizations out there-- after raising only girls--our dad is being honored by the Boy Scouts.

It is an enormous privilege to get to honor and thank our father publicly. Not many of us have the chance to do that, so thank you to the organizers of tonight’s event for making space for me to say a few words. My three sisters and I worked on this together over email, and I have the tough job of trying to speak our thoughts without crying.

There are actually two sayings that I'd like to highlight tonight as I talk about our dad. They center around two things that we all know he loves deeply: God and sports. The first comes from the Bible and goes like this "to whom much is given, much is to be expected." We believe that God has richly blessed our father in many ways, and those blessings have made him the man he is today.

The first gift our father received was the nuclear family into which he was born. The wonderful mother who raised him from the age of 12 is here tonight, his father and mother are surely proud of him in heaven, and his 11 brothers and sisters have been so loyal and a source of great support and joy to our family through the years.

Secondly, God gave our dad our mother as his wife, helper and partner in life. She is the kind of woman who sees the LORD in the most broken of people and places, and she treats everyone--someone with a position of power and the least of these among us--with dignity, trust, respect, and, of course, a little bit of sass.

Finally, God gave our dad his fair share-- perhaps more than his fair share-- of gifts and skills that make him the man he is: a sharp mind, determination, faith, and a beautiful story from growing up that make him compassionate, generous, hard working, humble and hopeful.

So again, as we think about those wonderful, numerous gifts our dad received, there is a sort of flipside: To whom much is given, much is to be expected. I don’t know if many of you know this, but our dad was actually pretty sheepish about receiving this award, and part of that is because he feels like he’s only lived appropriately based on the cards he was dealt. And of course he isn’t satisfied with how much he’s served. He is overwhelmed with emotion every year at Christmastime, wondering how to share more of the blessings that we have. And that kind of humility and dissatisfaction-- longing to serve more-- are two of the things we love and respect most about him.

The second expression is a sports saying that goes like this "champions are made when no one else is around." The same can be said of servants or distinguished citizens. In the verse "to whom much is given, much is expected," the critical word tonight, I think, is expected. You see, though so many of us have been given so much, not as many of us have followed through. Not many have tried to live up to that expectation.

And there's a reason for that. Like I already said, servants are made when no one else is around. The life of a servant is hard and often thankless. While many of us will be inspired and moved tonight, hearing about a life well lived, few of us will be inspired enough to do the sometimes monotonous, slow, thankless, humble work that is at the heart of a true servant. That is at the heart of our dad.

A few examples: for many years, our dad taught the boys Sunday school class at church. They weren't all the same age, but the thing that united them was that they were tough, restless, bored with the Bible, and not very teachable. Oh, and driving all the female Sunday school teachers crazy. But our dad faithfully served them every week. And he loved it. He brought them brownies, made the conversation relevant and tried his best to point them to the God he serves.

Secondly, at our father’s initiation, our family hosted many people from international exchange programs, ranging anywhere from 2 weeks to an entire year. Many people are willing to serve if it is in a way that is compartmentalized and not too sacrificial; not many serve when the hospitality is that lengthy and invasive of space. Especially not when, at one point, it meant hosting another 2 females, when he was already so outnumbered.

While there are many much larger scale acts of service that are notable about my dad, that have already been listed tonight, those oftentimes carry with them their own reward (like thoughtful awards and recognition like this.) But it is the things like teaching boys Sunday school, week in and week out, bringing his family along with him to serve pancakes at Rotary election day breakfasts, providing warm, generous hospitality to folks through international exchange programs, serving dinner at Katie’s kitchen, regularly bringing the family to sing together at assisted living facilities, ringing the bell for the salvation army, making dinner for our dear 90-year old friends, the Parvises, those kinds of smaller, mustard-seed-like, anonymous or prolonged acts of service are what really make up the heart of a servant. And those are the kinds of things that make us most proud of our father.

My time is short so let me end by repeating: Daddy, to whom much is given, much is to be expected. And my sisters and I have no idea how we can live in a faithful manner anywhere close to proportional to the gift you have been to us. We are so thankful and so proud. Congratulations daddy.

walk4water and Isaiah's tummy

tomorrow morning, friends of ours in Lancaster are hosting a walk to promote awareness about unclean water in Rwanda. 4-more, the organization that planned the event, exists to find ways to provide all that we take for granted (family, water, life, love) to children who are orphans in Rwanda. One of the founders, Laurel Greer, is a friend and fellow adoptive mama. she's the jam. She and 3 best friends started this organization. ummmm, yes please.

to personalize it, though, today we're starting another round of treatments for Isaiah's stomach issues. 4 antibiotics and a fifth medicine for reflux. we've been home for 7 months and he still has giardia (a water born parasite that causes stomach pain and lots of beyond disgusting diapers. no really, you have no idea how yucky unless you've "been there.") he's had other parasites, too, over the past 8 months.

even sadder than that, this summer I realized more of the extent of Isaiah's digestive issues. it is all interrelated. We've been told that because of his nutrition (because while the sisters do EVERYTHING they can for the kids at Home of Hope...their food/water situation isn't healthy or enough.) anyway, because of what he ate and drank for the 21 months he lived at Home of Hope (and probably what he had before that too) we've been told it will take years for his digestive system to recover. and it might not ever function properly.

This summer the combination of his digestive and emotional issues nearly overwhelmed me. While I was at my adoption wife, Susie's, house (LOVE HER), Isaiah and Lucy stayed in the same room as me. I started hearing Isaiah throw up a little bit pretty regularly. He would throw up in his mouth and then swallow it down. I had noticed this habit before, but he never spit and he's always on the move so I didn't realize how often it happened. I didn't think it was that big of a deal. But after hearing it happen several times within 10 minutes, I said to him, "Isaiah, do you want to spit it out?" and he nodded his head furiously. He ran to the bathroom, spit it out and then walked out with this HUGE grin on his face. He ran over to the bed, gave me a kiss and said, "thank you mommy. Ndagukunda." and he repeated each step: throw up, communicate that he needs to spit, spit, huge grin, "thank you mommy Ndagukunda" until after 10:30 pm. at least 10 times.

on the 9 hour car trip home, he threw up over 20 times into a cup I gave him. it was awful.

now I notice that he throws-up 5-10 times after most meals and snacks. sometimes he remembers to spit it out and sometimes he doesn't. some foods make it worse (we're gluten and dairy free) but it never is absent. it isn't just reflux, but we're starting those meds too to see if it helps some.

kids shouldn't throw up in their mouths or if they do, they should realize that it isn't normal. and they shouldn't think they should swallow it.

walk for water, friends, so that kids don't have to walk MILES for water that looks like this.

so that kids don't have to have stomach pain. So that kids don't throw up in their mouths and swallow it down. so that life expectancy (and enjoyment) in Rwanda is at least a little more just.

photos, songs, blah blah blah

I made this little video on my birthday (a few days ago), which was the date last year when we received our approval (from Rwanda) to adopt Isaiah. ah the memories. seriously, not sure when I got hit with the sap bug...but it is out of control. Please notice that when the line "love and pride can occupy the same spaces" comes, there is a picture of Hunter and me. it should just be me. how true is that statement? God is teaching me and changing me, I hope. And I love the line "if we go looking for offense, we're gonna find it." pretty darn true, huh?

a year ago right now were the times when I was up most of the night starting at 3 am, knowing that MIGEPROF was open for business and might email me our referral. well, actually, I had already struggled with that for a few months, but the next 2 1/2 months were the most intensely painful and gut wrenching ones I've experienced in life so far. I'm so thankful for the ways God has shaped me through the wait and through having Isaiah in our family. but it wasn't and isn't easy.

Praying for the waiting families, especially Rwanda ones. love you all!

thankful

So, I actually wrote a different post earlier today. perhaps some of you read part of or all of it. I decided to remove it for various reasons. But I want to share a few things about the last several days for me, since I posted my last (serious) post.

here's the reader's digest version. and below you'll find the longer version.

reader's digest:

when I/we post or share pictures of ourselves, most of us like to share the ones where we think we look our best. sometimes the picture doesn't even really, accurately look like us. but we look good. that's the way I usually live my life. trying to look, sound, appear good. here's picture a)

but then we always blow it. and sometimes it is nice to admit that we aren't that pretty. that a lot of times we can be really ugly, actually. So the reality is I usually look like this (not 9 months pregnant, but you know):

but Jesus is making me beautiful. in the important kinds of ways.

The longer version of things I've learned this week:

• I wish my thoughts, ideas, faith and passions were more grace saturated. That when God leads our family to things, I wouldn't be threatened by or insecure because of other (different) approaches to life. I wish I would instead delight in the Creator who gifts people to serve Him very differently and very beautifully. Even the way I talk about longing (and calling others) to not be judgmental has a tone of judgment instead of a tone of grace and humility. pray with me that God will really soften all of me. I read a recent post from some sort of friends (you know, this weird adoption blogging world) and as they talked about why their family is adopting again, they said it in such a wonderful way. first talking about the ways many of their other friends have been called to other beautiful things. sincerely enjoying the variety and differences. and then they confidently but not-at-all arrogantly talked about the direction God is leading their family. oh that God would work gentleness, humility and grace into my life in this particular way.
• The way we handle talking about and living the callings on our lives matters. If you're familiar with 1 Cor 13, Adrianne = clanging cymbal and resounding gong. I'm so thankful (and of course broken and feel like vomiting) by the openness of several friends who, after reading my most recent post, have already tenderly and graciously shared with me that, indeed, because of the ways I sometimes act and think, our friendship has sometimes been painful for them. they felt the very things I feared they might have felt. I'm so humbled by people being willing to love me despite the ugliness that's so often present in me. it is new to me to be this vulnerable and in need of real forgiveness in friendship. it is hard. but I bet it will be worth it.
• I'm not alone. several sensitive friends wrote to me (or talked to me) sharing about how, though they haven't adopted, they've thought and acted similarly about other choices in their own lives. who they vote for. where they shop (thrift store, consignment, Target, high end, etc.) what foods their kids eat. whether they garden or CSA. what preschool their kids attend. whether they work or don't work as a mom. what church they go to. what kind of house they live in. and on and on. I am hoping that through these conversations, we'll learn to love each other better and learn to love the God who intentionally and beautifully made us all differently. certainly I need to learn that.
• there's a way to share your junk that lets Jesus and his unbelievable grace and forgiveness become central and a way to share your junk that positions you as central. and I need to learn the difference. I'm so glory and attention/approval hungry that if I can make my identity be "the best sin admitter ever", I'll take it. praying Jesus will become more central in every way for me.
• Letting your junk out there for the world to see and examine is really scary. showing my real (sometimes) self is terrifying and freeing all at the same time. while I feel pretty terrified that people don't have to (and this week I feel like they shouldn't want to) be my friend. I'm delighting in and feeling surprised and joyful because of the Father's love for me. what an unfair thing?! I get all the treasures of heaven, even though I've tried to steal glory from God. I've not loved His children well. I've failed to delight in the presence of His image on everyone he made. And yet, I get everything that Jesus deserved. and he got death and separation from God. I'm reminded that when I was an enemy of God (a lot of the ways I still act), Jesus died for me. even though I have such an ugly heart a lot of the time, Jesus is standing at the right hand of God telling him that I can't be punished for my ugly sins because he already paid for them. He's showing the Father His wounds, proving my righteousness before God.

Oh may that deeply change my heart and my behavior. may it make me quiet when I should be quiet. and vocal when I should be vocal. may it cause everything I say and do to be saturated by that same grace. may it make me encourage others to see the beauty of God in them. may it make me think of myself less often. may it allow me to receive forgiveness and not lose sleep over my reputation. may it help me love others more than I love myself.

happy birthday to me. :)

nearly overwhelming

what I said before we met him:

• When we meet him I'm going to RESTRAIN myself as much as possible. I'm actually hoping the sister who brings him to us won't be holding him and won't try to put him in my arms. I mean, of course I'm DYING to hold him, but I'm hoping we'll get to give him the chance to call the shots a little bit. Feel a little more comfortable in the first moments we have with him. If he was younger I wouldn't be as worried about this...but since he's older, I imagine this is going to scare the crap out of him and I want to be as gracious about it as we can.

what I felt while he approached us for the first time (one of my favorite simple lines in a book ever):

• the temptation to cuddle [him] was nearly overwhelming

what actually happened

I guess more accurately I should have said that the temptation to cuddle him was completely overwhelming.

and it still is.

adoption righteousness

Sometimes I provide warnings at the beginning of my posts. usually that means I'm about to confess my junk. The warning is there because, for whatever reason, people may not want to read it (it may lead you to have a lower opinion of me, yourself, or it make you feel really conflicted and confused. Or all of the above.)

consider yourself warned.

So, I was listening to this sermon from Tim Keller yesterday. I think it was the third or fourth time I've listened to this particular sermon. it is that good. it is on the passage in Luke 18: 9-14 where Jesus tells a story about two men who are praying. the one is a Pharisee (religious leader) and he basically prays about how awesome he is. let's make sure we're tracking. he prays about how awesome he (himself) is. while talking about how relatively terrible other people are. and that's his whole prayer.

the other person is a tax collector, who can barely even hold up his head because of his shame. He only prays for God's mercy and forgiveness, knowing his unworthiness before God. The tax collector leaves justified and the Pharisee does not.

There is a ton to say about this story. but most of you come here to think and talk about adoption, so I'll limit my thoughts to something Keller said that ruined me in a good way. Just so you know, the same approach could be applied in regard to public schooling/home schooling, urban living, church planting, etc.

The passage actually starts out "To some who were confident of their own righteousness and looked down upon everybody else".

ouch already. He might as well have said “To Adrianne Thompson.”

I'm not sure if you've struggled with this as much as I have. but when I follow God to something He's called us to—perhaps especially something like adoption that leads us to a place where we receive attention (that may be good or it may be bad. but in our situation it is certainly not avoidable.) anyway, when God shows me something in particular that I should do, so commences the "look down on everyone who is not doing it that way so I can think better of myself" ugliness.
In the sermon on this passage, Keller notes something interesting that I've never seen. He calls it cultural imperialism. In the story, the Pharisee starts listing why he is better than other people: he doesn't rob (that's in the Bible). he doesn't commit adultery (that's in the Bible). he doesn't steal (that's in the Bible). he tithes (that's in the Bible). but then there is this really interesting thing that happens. The Pharisee slips something in to his, otherwise Biblically accurate, (though unhealthy in self exaltation and he probably minimizes the sins) list. He says: I fast twice a week.

Now perhaps God told him to fast twice a week. So maybe it was an act of obedience. But by placing it here, in a laundry list of To Dos (or not to dos) where he’s comparing himself at every point with people who he is saying are inferior to him, he is “sneaking it in to the divine will” in order to make himself feel better than other people.

Keller says that “if you are not glory satiated in the center of your being. If you are not filled with a sense of approval in your heart. If you are not utterly sure of who you are. If you do not feel so incredibly valued and loved. Then you’re going to do this too.”

And I have.

So often I have taken things I think God has shown our family to do: adopt, move into the city, participate in a church plant, confess sin somewhat widely, etc. and moved them into the divine will (which means I mistakenly think and/or communicate that if they (whoever they are) were really trying to serve God, they would do them too). Sometimes, because of that, I try to encourage others to follow us and to do the same things we do (thinking that's pointing them to Jesus). And sometimes I hope they won’t so that I can continue to feel special/better than other people. My sin tendencies are confused and plentiful.

both ways are inaccurate and squelch the Spirit's creativity, power and distinctiveness in the lives of believers.

Let me pause to say that it might not actually be super obvious (to you or to others) if you struggle with this. Ask God/the Spirit to help you to know. To search your motives and your heart. Most people wouldn’t easily catch me communicating these ugly things directly. I usually say the right thing (God makes us all differently, gives us different gifts and intends for us to express them in varied ways). But the issues are there if you dig beneath the surface. And it matters. I believe that subtle sins (especially when connected to moral behaviors/self righteousness) are so often the most dangerous and damaging kind.

So what does this really mean? When examined, I’ve realized that so often it isn’t God’s way that I commend to people (which is so much more unpredictable and beautifully varied in its expressions). It is my way that I commend.

Even in my last post while I was trying to point people to look to Jesus to lead their families, I also listed activities for which I want people to think well of me (adoption, considering a move to Rwanda, church plant, etc.) Though I really, honestly want to point others to follow Jesus, I’m sure that on most days I want that to look just like the ways he leads me. so I can feel important, affirmed, influential. Actually it is probably people’s prayers for me after reading that post that are causing me to have a softened heart and better understanding of my sin. And to ask for forgiveness.

I’m almost done, I promise.

Just to make sure I don’t leave this objection out there without some response. While the Bible isn’t clear about the fasting twice a week rule (which is part of why the Pharisees' list is a problem), the Bible obviously says TONS about caring for the widow and orphan.

No question: God commands us to care for the widow and orphan. But some people literally think every Christian, especially in the US, should be adopting (which isn't what the Bible says). Those of us who aren’t so zealous, though, maybe think we're in a better place. but are we merely paying lip service when we say “not everyone should adopt. There are lots of ways to help care for widows/orphans. The important thing is to be somehow engaged?”

When I call it lip service, I guess I’m trying to say that when we say, “not everyone should adopt but all should care,” in our heart of hearts, if we’re willing to look deeply enough, that's not the whole story. some of us also think there is a moral superiority continuum. And those who adopt are at the top.

Maybe that’s too strong. I know a lot of you have purer hearts than me and I think a lot of my adoption friends sincerely can encourage and inspire people about adoption without having negative thoughts attached. But I fear sometimes it is not too strong to suggest that, for many of us, we look down on people who aren’t led the same way we are.

When we allow ourselves to think these things and suggest these things indirectly (or directly) in the ways we communicate, we put up barriers in relationships with everyone around us. And we misunderstand and miscommunicate the Gospel.

I don’t have to go further than my brain and heart to wonder why some people really hate Christians. Even the ones who adopt.

So the Bible says tons about caring for widows and orphans. And it also says a lot about thinking more about someone else’s spiritual blindspots and sins than your own. I just forget that part a lot.

PS. Keller’s examples are worth listening to: he mentions church (denominational, worship-style) superiority. Totally worth your time. Fast forward to somewhere around 18 minutes to go straight to this part if you want.

PSS. we're never going to be perfect this side of the Kingdom of God. however, confessing these sins really does lead to healthier relationships, purer motives, etc. So, while I'm partly discouraged by my yucky heart, I'm thankful the Spirit is working.

what about Lucy? what about what's best for her?!

But what about Lucy? What about what's best for her?!

This was one of the questions we were asked several times from a number of people when we decided to adopt. And it was a question we were asked when we tried to move to Rwanda. And it is a question we are asked as we continue to love to live in an urban (let's just say very few people regard it as safe) neighborhood. And it is a question we're being asked now that we're committing to participate in a new church in the city (instead of going to a church where there are tons of kids her age and programs all ready to suit her needs.)

And it is a question we'll be asked when, in a few years, we'll be making the choice about where she'll go to school. and if we'll adopt again. and what extracurriculars she'll do. and on and on.

Of course the manner in which the person asks the question betrays their opinion about the appropriateness or rationale of our family's decision. But--and it might surprise you that I think this--since we are meant to spend a lot of energy, time and prayer raising our children, they are actually asking a valid and very good question. A question every parent needs to consider when making a major decision.

What is and what will be our response?

Well, my first answer appears to contradict what I just said above. That is, that in some ways we're not really that concerned about what's best for Lucy.

Don't get me wrong--like I already said, we believe that God has called us to raise our children well. To cherish them appropriately. But how does he tell us to do that? To shield them from all potential risk? To seize every opportunity available to them? To try to order and control the variables in their lives as perfectly as possible?

Of course we care and we want to raise her well, but I think that means doing all we can to raise her to follow the LORD. To put Him first. To learn to defend what he defends. To weep over what he weeps over. It says in Deuteronomy that we're to teach our children to love the LORD with all our heart and soul and might. And if our choices are always child-centric (or parent-centric. or best-education-centric, or safety-centric, or anything-besides-God-centric), I wonder how they would learn that?

I guess what I'm saying is that I hope and pray our parenting will demonstrate for her that we should always follow wherever it seems like God (the center of our lives) is leading us to go, regardless of whether that fits her, Isaiah's or our best interests.

But, you might astutely ask,wouldn't God's will be her best interest?

Which leads me to my preferred answer to this question.

So on the one hand, to the question "what about what's best for Lucy?" I'd say, her best interest is not really our primary concern when we make decisions. Hopefully our primary concern is trying to discern God's will (not that this process is an easy one!). Lucy's best interests, then, become part of the discernment process. just not the discernment process.

On the otherhand perhaps it would be best to answer a question with a question. "well, what do you mean by Lucy's best interests?" I think we'll find that people define that term in profoundly different ways. Lucy's best interests absolutely shape many of our choices, just perhaps from a different angle.

Sure, we know that international adoption means that you will not know (maybe ever?) the extent of the needs of your new child. They could be considerably more needy than we feel prepared to, or agreed to handle. It is absolutely true that since Isaiah came home I have (academically speaking) taught Lucy nothing. NOTHING. the girl is a sponge and we read a lot, but Isaiah's needs, in every way, have trumped getting out the letters, games, puzzles, and whatever else makes sense for me to try to teach an almost three year old. For a number of reasons, Lucy's "new experiences" have been limited since Isaiah came home. So if we're defining Lucy's best interests narrowly, like "what will best develop her academic side?" "or what would be least risky for a sibling for Lucy," everyone would agree that adoption would be a terrible choice.

Just looking at the question related to adoption (and not moving to Rwanda, participating in a church plant, living in an inner-city neighborhood--though each of these have beautiful consequences too), when I hear stories from adoptive families like the following ones, I'm convinced that we at least at some level have Lucy's very best interests in mind:

• One friend's caucasian son was taking a bath with his Rwandese sister and said "we look like twins because we are both naked and our hair is wet". the picture was priceless, as was the mom's follow-up comment: "kids should rule the world."
• In response to a similar question, our friend, the father in an adoptive family (one of the 10-kids-in-the-family variety) said something like this "well, our kids had to learn that not only do we not go to their practices (like most parents, apparently). but we're lucky if we make it to some of their games or performances. they learned pretty quickly that the world doesn't revolve around them. that's probably decent parenting, right?" In a culture where people a lot smarter and deeper than me would say that children have become our culture's (American Christian culture's too) idol (the thing people worship and disproportionately revolve their lives around), what a great way to have their children's best interest in mind.
• One friend whose door to adoption just closed again, cried (even harder than she already was) when she realized she was going to have to tell her daughter, who (because of how her eyes have been opened to the world, mainly through adoption) just wants to adopt so badly her heart is practically popping out of her middle school body. Her mom just couldn't bear to break the disappointing news. Seems like, though remarkably sad, she's parenting pretty well and has her daughter's best interest in mind. (And, of course, it seems like her middle school daughter has her priorities pretty well aligned that this is the nature of the confrontation her mom is nervous about!)
• A friend's four year old son is saving up change to send to Rwanda for clean water so his brother and his brother's friends (like Isaiah) won't have bad tummy problems.
  

and now to us.

Lucy, Isaiah and I were walking over to a friend's house last week. Lucy and I were holding hands and I reached for Isaiah's hand to cross the street. He ran around my legs and grabbed Lucy's hand instead. When, in that moment, Lucy looked up at me with shimmering eyes and said, "Mommy! I think he loves me!!" I felt like I had her best interests in mind.


And when she prays for kids at Home of Hope in Rwanda to have families, I feel like we had her best interest in mind.

and when we together say "thank you God that we have clean water and it doesn't take mommy all day to get it." and she knows what I'm talking about. I feel like we had her best interest in mind.

and when my kids shout Ndagukunda ("I love you" in Kinyarwanda) over and over and over again to each other in their room, I feel like we had her best interest in mind.

and so on.

how can we possibly know how God wants to shape our children? we don't know what their best interest is, but their Creator does. All we can do is seek to follow Him wherever he leads us so he can teach us and shape us along the way. sometimes he will lead us to make radical, noticeable choices. and sometimes he will lead us to make quiet, inconspicuous ones. God is much more interesting than one size fits all.

Wish I could stop there, but my conscience tells me I can't. So, you might say, what if our experience hadn't been like that. what if Lucy had resented him. what if Isaiah had been abused/abusive. what if our difficulties with adoption had been much more profound. There are plenty of stories out there like that. Does that mean we didn't hear God right?

well, I can't fairly say anything besides "I don't know how I would have felt." because that wasn't our experience. I'm sure it would be remarkably difficult. but I hope I would remember that the bible has a ton to say about how suffering produces endurance and endurance produces character and so on. If it seems pretty clear that God wants us to do something (which in this case it did seem that way), far be it for me to protect my children from learning what God wants to teach us/them through potential suffering. The opposite lesson wouldn't be great for them either, which, I guess is that we only follow Jesus when it appears safe, convenient, knowable, easy.

and then I hope I would look, in my sorrow, even more longingly for the day Jesus is going to make everything right.

because God's ways are so much higher than ours, may we trust Him to order our lives. to guide us. to know what is really in our best interest. and may we follow him and show our children how to follow him. no matter what.

(P.S. obviously I'm talking about Lucy in this post, since before we adopted Isaiah, most people weren't asking about his best interest (we didn't know him in particular). But surely everything we've mentioned relates to him as well going forward. And, of course, if we replaced Isaiah's name for Lucy's in this story we would all start sobbing when we realize how tangibly heart breaking the reality of a narrow approach to someone's best interests can be for a kid who doesn't yet have a family. I think it is fair to confidently say that this was in Isaiah's best interests).

PSS if you have any personal family/friend stories to share about adoption being in people's best interest, please share them. they encourage me so much!!