adoption righteousness

Sometimes I provide warnings at the beginning of my posts. usually that means I'm about to confess my junk. The warning is there because, for whatever reason, people may not want to read it (it may lead you to have a lower opinion of me, yourself, or it make you feel really conflicted and confused. Or all of the above.)

consider yourself warned.

So, I was listening to this sermon from Tim Keller yesterday. I think it was the third or fourth time I've listened to this particular sermon. it is that good. it is on the passage in Luke 18: 9-14 where Jesus tells a story about two men who are praying. the one is a Pharisee (religious leader) and he basically prays about how awesome he is. let's make sure we're tracking. he prays about how awesome he (himself) is. while talking about how relatively terrible other people are. and that's his whole prayer.

the other person is a tax collector, who can barely even hold up his head because of his shame. He only prays for God's mercy and forgiveness, knowing his unworthiness before God. The tax collector leaves justified and the Pharisee does not.

There is a ton to say about this story. but most of you come here to think and talk about adoption, so I'll limit my thoughts to something Keller said that ruined me in a good way. Just so you know, the same approach could be applied in regard to public schooling/home schooling, urban living, church planting, etc.

The passage actually starts out "To some who were confident of their own righteousness and looked down upon everybody else".

ouch already. He might as well have said “To Adrianne Thompson.”

I'm not sure if you've struggled with this as much as I have. but when I follow God to something He's called us to—perhaps especially something like adoption that leads us to a place where we receive attention (that may be good or it may be bad. but in our situation it is certainly not avoidable.) anyway, when God shows me something in particular that I should do, so commences the "look down on everyone who is not doing it that way so I can think better of myself" ugliness.
In the sermon on this passage, Keller notes something interesting that I've never seen. He calls it cultural imperialism. In the story, the Pharisee starts listing why he is better than other people: he doesn't rob (that's in the Bible). he doesn't commit adultery (that's in the Bible). he doesn't steal (that's in the Bible). he tithes (that's in the Bible). but then there is this really interesting thing that happens. The Pharisee slips something in to his, otherwise Biblically accurate, (though unhealthy in self exaltation and he probably minimizes the sins) list. He says: I fast twice a week.

Now perhaps God told him to fast twice a week. So maybe it was an act of obedience. But by placing it here, in a laundry list of To Dos (or not to dos) where he’s comparing himself at every point with people who he is saying are inferior to him, he is “sneaking it in to the divine will” in order to make himself feel better than other people.

Keller says that “if you are not glory satiated in the center of your being. If you are not filled with a sense of approval in your heart. If you are not utterly sure of who you are. If you do not feel so incredibly valued and loved. Then you’re going to do this too.”

And I have.

So often I have taken things I think God has shown our family to do: adopt, move into the city, participate in a church plant, confess sin somewhat widely, etc. and moved them into the divine will (which means I mistakenly think and/or communicate that if they (whoever they are) were really trying to serve God, they would do them too). Sometimes, because of that, I try to encourage others to follow us and to do the same things we do (thinking that's pointing them to Jesus). And sometimes I hope they won’t so that I can continue to feel special/better than other people. My sin tendencies are confused and plentiful.

both ways are inaccurate and squelch the Spirit's creativity, power and distinctiveness in the lives of believers.

Let me pause to say that it might not actually be super obvious (to you or to others) if you struggle with this. Ask God/the Spirit to help you to know. To search your motives and your heart. Most people wouldn’t easily catch me communicating these ugly things directly. I usually say the right thing (God makes us all differently, gives us different gifts and intends for us to express them in varied ways). But the issues are there if you dig beneath the surface. And it matters. I believe that subtle sins (especially when connected to moral behaviors/self righteousness) are so often the most dangerous and damaging kind.

So what does this really mean? When examined, I’ve realized that so often it isn’t God’s way that I commend to people (which is so much more unpredictable and beautifully varied in its expressions). It is my way that I commend.

Even in my last post while I was trying to point people to look to Jesus to lead their families, I also listed activities for which I want people to think well of me (adoption, considering a move to Rwanda, church plant, etc.) Though I really, honestly want to point others to follow Jesus, I’m sure that on most days I want that to look just like the ways he leads me. so I can feel important, affirmed, influential. Actually it is probably people’s prayers for me after reading that post that are causing me to have a softened heart and better understanding of my sin. And to ask for forgiveness.

I’m almost done, I promise.

Just to make sure I don’t leave this objection out there without some response. While the Bible isn’t clear about the fasting twice a week rule (which is part of why the Pharisees' list is a problem), the Bible obviously says TONS about caring for the widow and orphan.

No question: God commands us to care for the widow and orphan. But some people literally think every Christian, especially in the US, should be adopting (which isn't what the Bible says). Those of us who aren’t so zealous, though, maybe think we're in a better place. but are we merely paying lip service when we say “not everyone should adopt. There are lots of ways to help care for widows/orphans. The important thing is to be somehow engaged?”

When I call it lip service, I guess I’m trying to say that when we say, “not everyone should adopt but all should care,” in our heart of hearts, if we’re willing to look deeply enough, that's not the whole story. some of us also think there is a moral superiority continuum. And those who adopt are at the top.

Maybe that’s too strong. I know a lot of you have purer hearts than me and I think a lot of my adoption friends sincerely can encourage and inspire people about adoption without having negative thoughts attached. But I fear sometimes it is not too strong to suggest that, for many of us, we look down on people who aren’t led the same way we are.

When we allow ourselves to think these things and suggest these things indirectly (or directly) in the ways we communicate, we put up barriers in relationships with everyone around us. And we misunderstand and miscommunicate the Gospel.

I don’t have to go further than my brain and heart to wonder why some people really hate Christians. Even the ones who adopt.

So the Bible says tons about caring for widows and orphans. And it also says a lot about thinking more about someone else’s spiritual blindspots and sins than your own. I just forget that part a lot.

PS. Keller’s examples are worth listening to: he mentions church (denominational, worship-style) superiority. Totally worth your time. Fast forward to somewhere around 18 minutes to go straight to this part if you want.

PSS. we're never going to be perfect this side of the Kingdom of God. however, confessing these sins really does lead to healthier relationships, purer motives, etc. So, while I'm partly discouraged by my yucky heart, I'm thankful the Spirit is working.