Tuesday, October 26, 2010

some thoughts on care and caution about upcoming orphan sunday

So, this is just a conversation starter. I've not thought through this enough to cling too hard to my ideas below. Some of these thoughts have been brewing for a long time, and I want to learn from what other people think. and I want to speak into the conversation as well. I'm sure my ideas/thoughts aren't new; in some circles of people/organizations who work for the good of those who are poor, this conversation is advanced and pretty mature; in other circles it is less so. I'm going to embolden the main points below for easier/faster reading. feel free to skip through and comment if you have thoughts or ideas.

I don't want people to feel like they have to walk on eggshells when communicating about these issues around me (or others), but I hope by sharing these thoughts on caution we'll better love these children around the world.

With a special Sunday coming up, where, in lots of churches throughout the country (including ours), children around the world who have been orphaned will be recognized, prayed for, honored and defended; God will be lifted up as the One who hears their cry; whole services will be purposely shaped to communicate God's great love for these kids and His command for us to defend the cause of the fatherless (By the way, praise God that this is happening in so many churches!!), I just want to offer a few words of caution and care for me and others involved:

1. Let's be creative in the ways we defend the cause of the fatherless and advocate for these children. and let's be extremely careful that we do it without objectifying them. it is a slippery slope and so important. There are lots of ways you can "fall off" regarding this issue, actually. and, not surprisingly, I've probably done them all.

you can go anywhere from exaggerating, potentially overdramatizing or treating unique stories in a way that allows people to think that (the terrible picture painted) is the life of every child who was orphaned or the life of every child who lives in Africa... all the way to undercommunicating the actual devastation that exists in lots of places and making poverty palatable.

many of us are familiar with the first set of issues; we've watched the videos that leave us feeling completely sick and convicted/guilty. some of that is real and good to communicate because we should care about those needs and work for good, but it can sometimes border on (or worse than border) on being manipulative of the viewers and objectifying of the kids in the videos. I think we know that danger a little bit.

but perhaps you are less familiar with the flipside (potentially undercommunicating the needs of children who are orphaned)...I'll hit on this in a different way on another point below (making sure we don't take the "spiritual adoption" comparison too far), but for now, I'll say this. I looooooove Mocha Club and their "we need africa more than africa needs us" campaign. love it. so much so that I'm tempted not to say any cautious words because I'd MUCH MUCH MUCH rather err on this side. seriously, watch the awesome video I linked above. it is great ... but just in case there are people out there like me, who sometimes struggle with this side too, I have to.

while, like they say in the video, there are tons of beautiful, joyful stories in the midst of poverty... overcorrection and communicating that it is just beautiful. that the stories are just so joyful. like poverty is to be somehow envied...which is why we should all move our families there because you learn better life lessons...is obviously dangerous too. there are TONS of stories like that. and we should learn from them. many people who live in very poor circumstances really are very joyful. and I wish so much that there weren't terrible stories. that there weren't ones that don't have silver lining. I wish there weren't stories that would never, ever, ever be envied.

but there are stories like that.

poverty sometimes--way too many times--reaches a level that doesn't have space for finding the good in the story. and we should make sure that in our good fight to protect the dignity of those who are poor and the beauty in some of the stories, we don't protect people from hearing the truth of other, worse, situations. we need to make sure we don't make extreme poverty somehow palatable.

again, I'm not picking a fight with Mocha club or mocha club lovers. I'm a huge fan. but I am suggesting that some people might misinterpret their great material and, without more information, underappreciate some of the real needs.

crazy how we can fall of the wagon so many ways, no?

good grief that was long. sorry. moving on.

2. During our church service that Sunday, Hunter and I have been asked to share about our experience adopting Isaiah. While I'm comfortable speaking in a lot of situations, it feels pretty clear that I might not handle this one so well (no, really??) so Hunter will speak on our behalf.

We want to find ways to appropriately share our experience in a way, like above, that doesn't pretend like Isaiah's life was just grand and perfect before, but without speaking disparagingly of his life in Rwanda and without objectifying him. without leading him (or others) to feel like he is a cause in our family instead of our precious, unique, beautiful son.

we want to honor him and our careful thinking about language is critical. (similarly, we were conscious of this with our journey to isaiah video (wanting joyful music that wouldn't pull too hard on heartstrings...but I also don't want to pretend that it is all just peachy. aye yi yi.)

A friend who advocates for people who live in unbelievably terrible circumstances around the world has a rule that, when he is speaking or writing about a person, he imagines that they are in the room with him. listening intently and understanding every word. he "brings them to the conversation" in his mind, which helps him make sure he speaks in a dignifying and truthful way.

on a different, but related note, I also want to protect the honor of the people who live in Rwanda. especially the amazing women who cared for Isaiah at Home of Hope, who willingly live in tough circumstances.

anyway, I would love for people to caution me when I've gone too far in sharing things. I mean that. I'm sure it will be hard to hear, but I'd like to err on that side of the conversation since my tendency is probably to overshare. Are there folks out there who have good measuring sticks or rules for how/what/when to share?

3. you've probably noticed it already, but, when possible, I think let's try to say "children who are orphaned" instead of "orphans." maybe that's just semantics, but saying "orphans" seems too defining, too minimizing of other things that define people. I get that for many kids this is the most defining thing in their life and I don't want to underappreciate that, but, like my friends Chris and Phileena Heuertz at Word Made Flesh, I would tend towards: people who are poor, children who are orphaned, women who prostitute. it is something about them; it isn't who they are.

4. Lastly, I'm super thankful for the comparison people have made between our spiritual adoption by God (through Christ we are now his sons) and the adoption of children. it is an interesting and sometimes helpful comparison. I totally agree.

However, from the way I understand it at least, the actual link between those things is not made in the Bible. I make that distinction because, like any metaphor, it only works for so long.

I think it is great because it helps us identify how God put us into his family, though we weren't naturally his children. and that leads us to be thankful for his grace in Jesus and leads us to live our lives differently. and that's beautiful...

but here are my two words of caution about it.

1) make sure you know that the comparison breaks down at this really important point. it was our fault (sin) that we weren't in God's family, except for his saving grace. it isn't a child's fault that they don't have a family. Isaiah wasn't undeserving of a family. it wasn't unmerited grace or sacrificial love that brought Isaiah into our family.

little annoying sidebar because this is uber-long already, but I'm doing this great bible study material right now, but the usage of the word "orphan" about how we act when we don't remember God's love for us is totally grating me. and I think this is why. someone help me develop or correct this thought!?! I just don't want people to overspiritualize the word orphan to describe how we sometimes act. bleh. I get it...but I feel unsure about it and unnerved all at once. bleh.

2) this is probably where I could get into trouble. but in wealthier contexts we have to try a little harder to identify with parts of scripture that talk about needs of the poor, and because of that, I think we can sometimes read into something a little too far. or at least we can forget and undercommunicate that the Bible is (also?) talking about actual physical poverty. in other words, I totally agree that Jesus wanted us to see that we are spiritually poor. but sometimes when we overemphasize the spiritual side, to help people who are materially wealthy identify with the content, we mistakenly ignore the physical side that Jesus was definitely also talking about. sometimes Jesus is only talking about physical poverty and we're not supposed to identify with the verse, we're supposed to understand and do something about it. "I was an orphan too before God adopted me" is true, but it doesn't mean you understand what it is like. (Obviously at churches on "orphan sunday," people are going to talk about the need to care for kids who are physically orphaned...but this has been on my mind a lot so I wanted to take some time to try to explain.)

I'm sooooooooo thankful that our congregation will participate in this kind of service. and I'm so thankful for the organizations that provide resources to help people think about issues faced by so many people in the world. I hope my caution doesn't communicate a lack of gratitude for or understanding of the need to draw attention to these important stories... I just figure in this pretty safe space where most of you read this because "defending the fatherless" is on your mind, that perhaps communicating these things on the front end can help us as we think about preparing for the services.

please talk back to me on these things. tell me ways you've wrestled with these issues too. rules you've made about talking about your kids, if at all (don't worry, I won't feel super judged. I know God leads people in different ways). tell me how you feel about potentially overspiritualizing words like orphan, poor, hungry.

2 comments:

  1. I am challenged...in a good way. Your words are deeply rooted in the heart of God to make a difference in His people that overflows with a compassion that isn't surface deep. May we all ask the Lord what carrying for the poor, widow and orphan means as He was the author of the call...I think it's provision for them and protection for us...from ourselves. THANK YOU ADRIANNE!!

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  2. Three specific things I have been thinking about lately that you also brought up:
    1. The use of the word "orphan" to describe people. My daughter, though she still lives in Rwanda, is NOT an orphan. She may not know she has a family yet, but she does. And it grates on me to hear any of those children lumped in that category. "Children who are orphans" is much better, I think.
    2. making children into "causes" for our family. I wrote something about that a few months ago based on a conversation I had with someone at our adoption benefit garage sale.
    3. the whole "acting like an orphan" analogy.

    These thoughts are turning in my mind as well. Need to spend some time writing them out, as that it how I process things. I'd love to continue this discussion, though!

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