Tuesday, November 2, 2010

"Aslan, you're bigger."

Did you know that Lucy, our daughter's name, is a family name? Yep, 5th one in 10 generations (or something like that). The name actually came as a "gentle suggestion" from a family member on Hunter's side. But in actuality, its family significance was only a really small part of the reason that we named her Lucy.

[Note to reader: please don't tell this to my in-laws, especially Hunter's maternal grandmother, because I hope I scored some major points with the "family name choice." While we're at it, actually, don't tell them that the real reason I chose an Episcopal pre-school was not because of its academic or spiritual superiority or my desire to have her at an Episcopal school at all, but because of proximity to our house and the carpool rules (I don't have to get out of our car). Deep thanks go out to my girl, Susie, for giving me those extremely valuable criteria for selection. I'm serious.]

The two biggest reasons we named her Lucy were:

1. Lucy means "bringer of light." what a prayer we have for her little life. that she'd bring light, hope and joy everywhere she goes.

2. In CS Lewis' wonderful series, the Chronicles of Narnia, one of the four main characters is named Lucy. In one of the books, Lucy is able to physically see Aslan (Jesus) when other people can't, particularly when they are all lost and unsure of what direction to go. Again, another prayer we have for her life: that in the midst of darkness and confusion, whether other people see Him or not, Lucy would see "Aslan" and gently point others in his direction (and that she would follow him).

As we've thought about what to share about our family's adoption story this upcoming Sunday at church, a friend reminded me of this beautiful quote from Prince Caspian (one of the books in the Chronicles of Narnia series).

In Lucy’s first encounter with Aslan in this story, she says,“Aslan, Aslan. Dear Aslan. At last.”…She gazed up into the large wise face. “Welcome child,” he said.“Aslan,” said Lucy, “you’re bigger.” “That is because you are older, little one,” answered he.“Not because you are?”“I am not. But every year you grow, you will find me bigger.”

When I became a Christian (though I grew up in the church, I'd say this really happened for me in college), the thing that was most important to me was the fact that I got cut from the women's basketball team at Wake Forest. Totally legitimately, God opened my eyes to him through the humility, sadness, and brokenness that came from this deep disappointment. I learned that God was big enough to handle our disappointments, insecurities, identity crisis, etc. That's how big I needed him to be, and that's about as big as I saw him.

Since then, though, I've grown in my love for God, which has led me to situations where I've had my eyes opened to a lot of suffering in the world. I've traveled to many places in the world that people consider "developing" or "third world" countries. I lived in Zimbabwe with beautiful girls who were orphaned, mostly because of a combination of AIDS and poverty. I went on humbling and inspiring work trips to learn about how God is at work in Uganda, Rwanda, Zimbabwe, Kenya, Guatemala, Ecuador, Brazil and India.

And through adopting Isaiah from Rwanda, God has continued to open my eyes to the way many people in the world live.

The suffering many people face is completely overwhelming and should ruin our appetites.

And my understanding of a God from college who can meet you in fairly minor disappointments and insecurities-- comparatively speaking-- wasn't strong enough to handle the things I had seen. the systemic brokenness, the sheer numbers of children who are orphaned or who only eat once a day. the personal stories of heartache. each one enough to make you sob yourself to sleep and wonder about a loving God.

Simultaneously, in the past 18 months of our adoption story with Isaiah, I've also learned a lot more about myself. More about the ways I live that fall very short of what is acceptable. my pride. my self love and self absorbtion. my self righteousness. my judgmental attitude. my laziness. and so on. I realized personally I needed a God who was much bigger, much more gracious to cover my sin and make me acceptable to God.

I needed him to be bigger for the suffering of the world. and I needed him to be bigger for me. or else I had no hope and no assurance.

And God has shown himself so much bigger. So much more faithful.

But, like Aslan said, He didn't grow; it was my understanding of him that did.

I've searched the Bible for hope, I've pleaded and cried out in anger in prayer at what felt like an absent God in the face of suffering, I've invited the Holy Spirit to search my heart and show me what is offensive.

and I've seen.

he's answered prayers. He's shown me his promises in the Bible. promises to wipe away every tear. promises to restore everything that's broken. he's shown me a Jesus, our savior, who wept over death. He's shown me a God who hears the cries of the afflicted. who promises justice for the oppressed. he's shown me mercy for me, a sinner in need of grace. and he's shown me hope and promise for a world that suffers.

and now when I worship God I sometimes feel like I'm going to burst because the news is so much better than it has ever been. it has always been this good, I just didn't know it.

I'm so excited to hear the Gospel preached this weekend, particularly in light of the brokenness and suffering in the world. I want us all to grow in our understanding of the enormity and beauty of the Gospel. and when we talk about facing big issues like "the orphan crisis", we have to talk about a really big God.

I'm so thankful for Isaiah being in our family for countless reasons. one of them is that his story is a means of grace for me. I'm learning that God is the one who is going to save the world and who has saved me.

"Salvation is from God." did you know that's the literal meaning of Isaiah?

3 comments:

  1. love. this. post. it echoes in my heart as well. how much larger He looms in my heart and mind than He did 18 months ago. Thank you for saying it so beautifully.

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  2. We are C.S. Lewis lovers too, and I've always liked the name Lucy - though if we were to use it my family would all think if was a tribute to the old family name Lucille (I'm the fourth generation to bear that as a middle name). My husband keeps bringing up Isaiah too. =)

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  3. Beautiful, Adrienne.

    Melissa W.

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