signing off...at least for while

hello friends.
well, things in the house = chaos land. for a number of reasons I'm going to sign off for a while. maybe permanently. here are ways you can pray for us (and you can always email me!!):

• best way we can describe it is Isaiah is regressing. we're not sounding an alarm or anything (regression is TOTALLY normal and to be expected), but we're getting some help to make sure we're doing the right things. we're mostly going back to what our lifestyle and parenting approaches were when Isaiah first came home (keeping a slower pace, lots of time in the house, attachment/play therapy strategies, bottles, ergo carrier, etc.) his stomach stuff is still there as well so we're going to be trying to spend more time figuring that out. please pray for our little man to keep moving towards trusting us and believing that we're going to stay. pray that when he pushes us away, when he tries to make us mad at him, that we will show him how much we love him. pray that he'll continue to understand that we're going to love him no matter what. and pray for us to be able to follow through with the things we need to do to make this season of life feel safer to Isaiah. it was easier to do this when he was first home (and easier for other people to understand that we were doing it). he doesn't always show his struggle symptoms with other people around and I need to just deal with people not understanding or believing that I can tell that things aren't going well right now. now that we're back to a mostly normal (pretty fast and pretty relational) pace, it is harder to back out again. but we need to. pray we'll know how to prioritize. how to stay healthy ourselves. pray that we'll just do the things we need to do. and not add a ton on and not waste a ton of time on unhealthy distractions.
• coinciding with all of this, I need to not write publicly for a while (which is good because like I already said, I need to spend less time doing it and more time loving my kids and husband and more time making our house not feel like a tornado hit it everyday). Also, I'm starting to depend on writing and on people's opinion of me too much (lives out like an addiction actually). The things I'm most passionate about thinking, writing, talking about (faith, the world/those who are poor, adoption) are difficult to share about in writing. and I'm not very good at talking about them in a grace saturated way. That's not the best representation of Jesus in such a public space, especially when I don't know the actual audience. I also want to be a big deal. I want people to think well of me, of my approach to life. I want them to value our thinking. I know a lot of people struggle with this, but I'm struggling with it in a way that's destructive/too much right now. I need to learn some lessons in quietness, humility, and what feels like obscurity (in other words, being a stay at home mom). pray I'll use the freed up time well. that I'll learn how to be obedient and discerning about whether it is ever healthy or helpful to share in this kind of manner (this is personal. I'll continue to be grateful to read other people's blogs and stories because I love learning in that way...for me right now, though, it seems like it isn't a healthy exercise.) So at least a "fast" from blogging is necessary. perhaps permanently or perhaps only for a while so that it loses the power it has over me right now (power I've given it) and I can handle it with moderation.

I'm so thankful I've been able to depend on this community, even if most of you are anonymous!, through the past many months. I've learned a lot about myself through this. I may post something funny or a prayer request for the kids occasionally, but otherwise I'll be laying low for a while. xoxo