Well, word on the street (for more info, check my friends' blogs) is that we're probably not going to hear tomorrow now. I just ache so badly to know about our kid that I want to jump on a plane and move into the orphanage. Permanently.
I know it is hard to understand why this hurts so much, why we're so impatient, how or why this is different and more heart-wrenching than physically laboring a child; I know it is hard to interact with someone who is so clearly emotional and grieving... it is a lonely place, friends. I promise, I'm not trying to be so emotional. I'm not trying to distance myself. I just don't know what to do when it hurts so much. This is new for me too. Thanks for bearing with me.
Thursday, November 5, 2009
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i know that God is holding my niece or nephew and telling them how much we love them and can't wait to hold and kiss them. Renee asked me if Rwanda was near Uncle Dave's house last night during prayers. I told her that we all wished. I then showed her on a map where we are and where Rwanda is and she says "It's not that far Mommy can we go see them?" I guess on paper to 3 year old it looks close! Love you!
ReplyDeletesweet friend...
ReplyDeleteyou are not alone! so many folks (ME!) understand your heart right now... completely and totally. i love you dearly and just hate that you are hurting because i do NOT remember that time fondly. i remember i was at a friend's house one day... it was after we had gotten our referral for sam, but before we had been assigned a court date. our caseworker had told us it would take 3 weeks max to get a date, but we were on week 6 of the wait (of course if they had told us it would take 3 months, i wouldn't have been so heartbroken at week 6! but anyway...)... and i was sitting there, and this friend who is amazing but has no experience with adoption asked why on earth i was so sad about it all. i just LOST IT! i was sobbing and told her that i didn't expect her to understand, but begged her to bear with me b/c of how incredibly painful the wait was. she looked on with compassion, but definitely a look of "ooookay! becca's lost it completely!" as well.
it's just hard. ick. we LOVE you!