update

Well... court went very well (so we hear) but the judge won't give the official ruling until next Friday. Once we hear from our POA that everything is 100% official we'll be able to post pictures :).

We now have tentative travel dates: January 22-February 5th. SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO excited. Wish like crazy it was sooner, but am so thankful that in a little over three weeks we'll be meeting our son face-to-face. I can hardly believe it.

one major change that we'll have to navigate along with our agency and other traveling families is that we're going to Kenya to process Isaiah's visa (instead of Ethiopia). There may be some difficulties going this route...but the Ethiopia option isn't great either. Please pray that this will go smoothly so we don't have to be away from home any longer than necessary.

Did I mention that we get to see our son in 3 weeks. HOLY SMOKES.

Court on Wednesday!!!

Forgot to post the news on here... but just to keep everybody in the loop, Isaiah's court date is this coming Wednesday!!! If everything goes smoothly (please pray that it will!!) he'll be officially, officially ours (and we'll be officially, officially his) FOREVER starting on Wednesday. Then we'll travel 1-3 weeks later to pick him up. Wow! We're hoping for the fastest travel date possible...but that's out of our hands.

So, while court may seem like a formality since we've received so many approvals at this point, let me tell you the AMAZING thing that's declared that day.

When the judge hits his gavel during Isaiah and our family's court proceeding, he is declaring:
That this made-in-God's image, beautiful child is officially OUR SON. Lucy's BROTHER. Jack, Renee, Alex, Simon and Gabi's COUSIN. Blake, Beth, Sherri, Dave, Stephanie, Matt and KayLeigh's NEPHEW. Linda, Ron, Dottie and Bob's GRANDSON...the GREAT NEPHEW of the 11 brothers and sisters (and spouses) my dad has, the 7 brothers and sisters (and spouses) my mom has, the 4 brothers and sisters (and spouses) that Hunter's dad has. and on and on and on.

Not to mention his many unbelievable friends who have loved and longed for him with us.

And WE, my friends, are the ones who are BLESSED (I'm so freaking excited I can barely contain myself).

Please pray for that gavel to hit, declaring us his family and him our son.

confessions...warning: a little intense

If you're here to feel motivated and encouraged about adoption or updated about the particulars of Isaiah joining our family, you might want to check back in a few days. I've been meaning to write about this for a while now and am finally taking the time to do it.

The following are some pretty significant ways I've struggled internally while Hunter and I have lived in a somewhat blighted Richmond neighborhood, as I've worked for a few pretty incredible international organizations and as we've gone through Isaiah's adoption process. I want to share them because I think it is easy for people to think (too) well of people who adopt or who do other things motivated by faith that aren't exactly mainstream. And, I think it is also easy for those of us who are doing those things to think too highly or too often about ourselves and what we're doing to serve God. I'm still struggling with these issues and being humbled by the crevices of my heart; still continually needing grace and forgiveness, though I can now name several of them.

So with the warning that this isn't going to be a chipper, rah-rah post, let me summarize what will follow with the statement that over the past several years God has graciously exposed in me the reality that many of my motives for living where we live, choosing my vocation (where I work for an organization that creatively and dignifyingly (webster?) responds to the needs of those who are poor), adopting a son from Rwanda, etc. have nothing to do with obedience. Have nothing to do with following God. Have nothing to do with a humble sacrifice. But have a LOT to do with managing the way I want people to perceive me and going the way I want to go.

Okay, maybe that's too strong. But, the point is valid. I'm going to use a couple of ruining (for me) quotations and then explain some of these impure motives. Surely our motives aren't only impure (I was, like you, made in God's image after all), but I have a managed to twist even some of the beautiful ways God made me so that I receive glory and credit instead of Him. And I want to tell you about it. I hope that by admitting some of these issues I can invite others of you to consider your motives and be stripped (if necessary) of some of those ugly places in you too. It is a humbling, painful and sometimes difficult process but I believe it leads to a lot more joy, richer relationships and a more abundant life. At least it has for me.

1. "I love my reputation for knowing God more than I love God." Reread that. Ouch. A while back, like many of you, I made a decision about whose approval I most wanted. For some of you it is your boss. Your parents. Your spouse. ETC. For me, it is radically faithful Christians (the ones who live among the poor). Mother Teresa types.

I have the most respect for their faith and thus I want to emulate it and I want them to think well of me too. Now of course I can't pretend like there is no genuine faith mixed in for me...there definitely is. I know that God has given me strong faith. I'm just saying that my actions are also persuaded by the approval and affirmation I'll receive from the people I respect most.

Further, we happen to live in a time when American Christians are, for the most part, respected and honored if they are on the right side of global justice and poverty issues. That's a really good shift in the church since she was rightly accused of neglecting those issues before. But, decisions to work for international organizations serving the poor, then, might have very little to do with obedience...we could be merely following a really positive fad. For some of the wrong reasons (approval, acclaim, fitting in, status, etc.). Sigh.

2. “Nothing disciplines the inordinate desires of the flesh like service, and nothing transforms the desires of the flesh like serving in hiddenness. The flesh whines against service but screams against hidden service. It pulls for honor and recognition. It will devise subtle, religiously acceptable means to call attention to the service rendered.” - Richard Foster

Blogging can be really, really spiritually dangerous, friends. It can be a really useful, beautiful tool for informing people about your life, encouraging and spurring others on...and it can also be a tool to manipulate life to make people think well of you. You can start basing your worth in the number of (positive) comments you receive and the number of "hits" on your website. It is really sickening and there have been a few times throughout this journey when I've wondered if, for my own spiritual good, I needed to stop writing.

Matthew 6: 1-8: Be careful not to do your ‘acts of righteousness’ before men, to be seen by them. If you do, you will have no reward from your Father in heaven. So when you give to the needy, do not announce it with trumpets, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and on the streets, to be honored by men. I tell you the truth, they have received their reward in full. But when you give to the needy, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, so that your giving may be in secret. Then, your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.”

Sometimes I think we believe that it is only the materially rich who are reaping their rewards on earth, “where moth and rust destroy.” But, friends, you and I are tempted by a different form of pre-eternal reward: man’s acclaim for our works of righteousness. Every time we strive for attention, subtly manipulate a conversation or Facebook update to communicate something we’re doing for Jesus, we are robbing ourselves of true, eternal reward. It is always interesting to me that Jesus doesn’t say we won’t get a reward if we do our ‘acts of righteousness’ this way. He simply and devastatingly says we get our reward in full; we just get it here (from man), and not here and later (from our Father.)

It is tricky, though, when it comes to blogging and other means of influence. Foster in the same article later talks about how true service doesn’t fear the lights and blare of attention. Some of you are going to be in positions of God-given influence. But, you should be cautioned in this way so you don't let the attention injure your soul. I’m not suggesting we never tell people about what God's doing, but I’m suggesting that we ask God to examine our motives when we’re doing it. How much of it is to encourage someone, glorify God and obey him…and how much of it is to make ourselves look good?

I think I'll always struggle with this...but I hope being aware of it will at least help me admit weakness and sin faster and go to battle a little bit better.

(BTW, I want to be clear that in this part I'm not talking about Isaiah joining our family. I think adoption simply fits our family really well. I don't see it as an "Act of righteousness." Yes, we're motivated by Scripture that talks about adoption...but we also feel like we're just a family offering a family to a child made in God's image...who, strangely, has felt like part of our family from the beginning. We're not doing it out of some major act of obedience as if it feels like a sacrifice. It just makes tons of sense to us and we're so stinking excited to have him in our family. WE'RE the ones who feel like we're receiving much on this one.)

3. “Great acts of virtue are rare because they are seldom called for. When the occasion for you to do something great comes, it has its own rewards: the excitement, the respect gained from others, and the pride that will accompany your ability to do such “great” things. To do small things that are right continually, without being noticed, is much more important. These small acts attack your pride, your laziness, your self-centeredness, and your oversensitive nature. It is much more appealing to make great sacrifices to God, however hard they might be, so that you might do whatever you want with the small decisions of your life. Faithfulness in the little things better proves your true love for God. It is the slow, plodding path rather than a passing fit of enthusiasm that matters." Francois Fenelon.

I'm not sure I need to explain myself any further other than to say that I am drawn much more to these great acts of virture and I'm quite selfish with the ways I will serve otherwise. Just ask Hunter or Lucy.

I could go on because these conversations and issues are really really important for our souls. But so is sleep.

act of adoption

praying praying praying our Act of Adoption will get finalized this week so we can get a court date scheduled so we can get to Rwanda ASAP. we're going crazy being so excited about Isaiah joining our family. We're so grateful for all the love he's receiving even before he comes home.

So excited for the Furrs who arrived in Rwanda to meet their daughter Elsa today!!

conflicted praying

Throughout this process of waiting for our child from Rwanda (whom we now know is Isaiah), Hunter and I have gone through seasons of feeling conflicted while praying for our child. And now as we quickly (praise God!) approach picking him up, we feel conflicted again.

It isn’t that we’re unsure of what we hope and pray for for him: a soft heart towards God, well established and deeply rooted faith, good sleep and nourishment, tender touches from others, a rich sense of his heavenly Father’s love, faith that lends itself to him being able to rejoice in the LORD always (despite circumstances), resilience and humility, that he’d bring joy and light to others even now, etc. And my current bout with discomfort regarding picking him up isn’t that I’m unsure I want Isaiah in our family (good grief, I can’t keep my eyes or mind off him!).

Here’s what’s making us uncomfortable or conflicted: how can we pray for our child in particular when there are so many of his friends who won’t end up in families? How can we pray for special acts of kindness directed at him when we want all of the children to be specially touched and cared for? (This really paralyzed me for a while). How can we rejoice in meeting our son while we leave so many children behind (not only where our son lived…but all over the world)? I’m not trying to sound super compassionate or holy or anything. I’m just practically saying that praying for something special for our son feels somewhat unfair or selfish sometimes.

During the long stretch when we didn’t know who our particular child was, this ache was even more acute. Literally every kid at Home of Hope was “ours”. Has that really changed? Who is my father, mother, brother, sister, daughter, son? Are we not a family, all across the world, of children made in our heavenly Father’s image? Aren't we all somewhat responsible to every other human?

Anyway, as we continue this journey to pick up our son, I’ll continue to rejoice (I mean REALLY REALLY REALLY rejoice) as Isaiah joins our family and continue to pray for specific things for people in our particular family…but I’ll also continue to feel conflicted about who my family is and ask God to show me what that means and how to pray.

May we feel compelled by God’s mercy and love towards us, because of the way he adopted US into his family, to obediently love others in whatever ways God shows us, until God places every single lonely one into a family. Until he restores everything that’s broken. Until he wipes every tear. Until all his promises are fulfilled. Pray with me for Isaiah’s friends. Our brothers and sisters.

Making room for a Son

Very soon we're going to Rwanda to pick up our son, William Isaiah ______ Thompson. (We're not allowed to post his Rwandan name until after we pass court). Hunter's first name is William and he wants his first born son to have it too. Isaiah has a lot of meaning for us and gives some vision for what we long for in his life (the same way as Lucy's name means "bringer of light"), and I'll go into more detail on that sometime in the future.

Anyway, as we make TONS of preparations for Isaiah to join our family: getting his room ready, gathering/borrowing/buying? clothes and shoes, reading lots about toddler transitions and adoption, etc. I'm reminded about the Son I really need to prepare my life for. The Son of God who loves you, me, Lucy, Isaiah, Hunter, and everybody else in the whole world. The only One who can really sustain me, who is worth living and dying for. Who made me. Who prepared my heart to love both Lucy and Isaiah. Who died so that I could have life to the fullest.

As much as I am eagerly anticipating and LONGING and aching for the arrival of our son, will you please pray with me that during this Advent season (while we're together preparing to celebrate the arrival of Jesus) I would long more for Jesus than I do for our kid, that my heart would be warmer towards Jesus than it is for anything else? Would you pray that we'd be preparing our house for the coming of Jesus...while also preparing for Isaiah?

Dear Isaiah

Dear Isaiah:
I love you! Gosh how I long to tell you that. To look into those deep, dark, beautiful eyes of yours and tell you how much I love you. Even typing those words makes me cry. You know how I spent at least 75% of my day today? Looking at your pictures, changing the size of them (600% sometimes! you're really handsome up close), turning my face sideways, changing the angle on the computer, etc. to see if I could see any new parts of you…trying to pretend like it was 4-d instead of flat. I’m sure people think I’m crazy. I kind of feel like it right now too.

I got to see a picture of you that was taken today. IT WAS AMAZING. For a second I felt like I lived a real-life moment with you (because it was sent from a phone). A picture was snapped and then not very long after, I got to see your face. Your precious, beautiful, kissable face. I wanted to jump through the computer and into your room. To sing goodnight to you. To tell you over and over and over again how much you’re loved. I know the women taking care of you right now love you so much. They’re showing you so much love and they're helping us get to you. We’re so thankful. We’ll be there soon, my love. We’re coming. We long for you so much it makes my tummy ache most of the time. Daddy thinks I’m a flight risk. I think so too. When we get there, I’ll try not to squeeze you too much. I’m not sure if I’ll be able to control myself so I might need to let Daddy carry you some. Might. He’ll have to pry you off me though. I called dibs on getting to hold you first. Daddy didn't like when I tried to claim rights to that enormous privilege.

Have I told you what an amazing daddy you have? He's super fun, silly, smart and loves you SO MUCH. Don't tell him I told you this, but he cried really hard when we opened up your picture. They were the kind of tears that say "I'm not sure I've ever been this happy!" We just kept hugging each other and crying because we were so amazed by you! Daddy is already so proud to be your dad. He tells everyone at work and everywhere else about his amazing son. His first born son. That's you.

Your sister Lucy prayed for you at lunch today, that you’d have your eyes opened to see God. We pray for you together every night, every time we eat and before she takes her nap. She sometimes still calls you brother-sister, but she’ll get the hang of it soon. She is SO proud when she carries your picture around and shows people. “This is my bruder.” (Don’t worry, I printed about 50 copies of the same picture…different levels of closeness on the same picture. 8x10, 4x6, 5x7…you’re everywhere). We’re just so proud to call you our son! We want to shout it from the mountaintop!!!

Okay, I am supposed to be working right now. But do you remember your friend Myles? He lived at Home of Hope with you for a little bit. Well, I was chatting with his mommy telling her how I was having a really hard time concentrating because I just want to be with you so much, and she gave me the good idea of writing to you to help me. I’m glad I’ll get to show you this someday to show you how much you mean to me, even before we’ve met. I would put this in some sort of scrapbook...but as you'll soon learn, I'm worthless at that kind of thing.

I love you. Keep sleeping well my heart born son.

pray for us?

Hey friends... I don't want to miss out on these last great days with just Lucy. Will you pray for me to be fully present with her (feel free to ask me about it and/or challenge me). I think having our son be close in age with Lucy will make it really fun for both of them...a constant playmate. But I have 3 sisters so I'm not so naive to think it will only be fun. I'm sure they'll be jealous of one another and since I know her well, I expect Lucy may have some trouble adjusting to sharing me all the time. Pray she'll love her brother deeply and somehow begin to care more about his (and others in general) interests than her own. Pray she'll remain confident and secure in our love for her, even if she's confused by the changes. Pray both our kids will have soft hearts towards God. Pray for our son to attach well to us, to feel safe and comfortable with us, to enjoy being with us. To know that he belongs. Pray that he'll not be too overwhelmed, and when he is, that we'll sense it and be protective of him. Pray that we'll be able to communicate well with one another. Pray that Hunter and I will depend on God in the overwhelming moments...and seek help from our community.

Thankful for you.

more info on our peanut

Well...we're not sure on all the details on our little one. We should be finding those out soon, but we won't be able to post them on here until we pass court. He looks to be around 20 months old (give or take a few months?) Did I mention yet HOW ADORABLE he is?! He's so so so so cute.

Please pray for us to get our medical info soon so we can officially accept our referral and start working on a court date. Thanks!!

hoping for pre-Christmas

Well...we got our approval on my birthday, our referral (of the most adorable little boy I've ever seen) on Thanksgiving....so we're obviously hoping for a Christmas gotcha day. Well, actually we're hoping to get a court date this week (or early next week) and then travel in a couple of weeks so we're home at Christmas. This is pushing it a little bit, but it is the same timeline of the families in Rwanda right now. So it is possible. and, of course, He can move mountains.

Please pray!!!

Oh yeah, and I'm SUPER excited that a bunch of our friends got their approval letters over the weekend! Hooray!!!

It's a boy!!!!!!!!

So, late this morning I was in the kitchen with Hunter, my sisters, their husbands (and boyfriend) and my mom. I checked my computer to see if there was any news from the families who went to pick up their kids in Rwanda, when MUCH TO MY SHOCK, there was an email for me with our referral.

I screamed "HUNTER! HUNTER! We got it!!!" (Actually, at this point I had jumped up onto a chair. I've been wondering what my reaction would be). Of course Hunter ran over to the computer. Immediately we both started crying. I was shaking. About 30 seconds later we opened the email to meet our son for the first time. He's BEAUTIFUL. I mean, beautiful. Seriously. We cried for a while, called the rest of the family and a few friends. My heart rate hasn't gone done since then. I love him so much. A friend of ours in Rwanda went and met him this morning. He already knows we're coming (sort of). Keep praying for him to be ready for us.

His name means God given or given by God. ya think?!

He looks very serious in his picture, but we hear he's really chubby and smiley :). We don't know age yet but will keep you posted.

We're praying for a quick court date so we can get him before Christmas. HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORAY!!!! We're beyond thrilled. We've been dreaming of this day for a while (literally and figuratively). I don't think I'll sleep tonight.

they're there

The Dorbands are in Rwanda today. They met their kiddos this morning. Wow! I can't wait to hear about it. Then the Spores, Smiths and Bowers are on their way right now. I'm so excited for them! I hope we find out who our child is while they're all there so they can give him/her some extra love and tell them mommy and daddy are coming really soon.

thankful

We're thankful for our kiddo across the world and can't wait for the ways he/she will fit into and shape our family. So thankful for their little personality that's being shaped and will forever change what our family is like. So, so thankful for the nuns who care for the children at Home of Hope. For their dedication, their sacrifices, their faith and love that draws them to live their lives with children who have been orphaned, so that they can better know they're loved.

Last week we passed the 2 months mark since our approval (which the Rwandan government said it would take to prepare our referral) so it should be coming any day, any moment. We're so thankful for that. We've been aching, hoping, praying, crying, and longing to see their face, know their name...and of course, especially, to be with them. We're so thankful for the Dorbands, Smiths, and Spores, families who are picking up their kids this weekend. Can you IMAGINE?!?!

We're so thankful for all of you who are journeying with us. Supporting us while we struggle. Supporting us while we rejoice. "If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it." 1 Corinthians 12: 26.

praying, hoping, praying, hoping

So......... we're SO SO SO SO hopeful we'll get our referral tomorrow. (For some reason Lucy's been saying we're getting it on Tuesday). We're so hopeful about this week being "the week." I believe God is good either way, that the folks working on this in the government of Rwanda are hard working either way... I just really, really hope it comes through.

I'm longing so deeply to see our child's face. To touch him/her. I'm aching to know their name. To be closer to picking him/her up.

I'm still hoping we'll be able to go pick him/her up before/for Christmas. Call me a hopeless optimist (oxymoron, eh) ...but He can move mountains, people. He's mighty to save. He can do this. He might not and he'll still be good, but he surely can. Pray with me!

Oh yeah, and if you haven't already...please check out my friends' ADORABLE children. Since they passed court they're allowed to post pictures. Their blogs are along the left side of the screen.

Great is Thy Faithfulness

I was super encouraged by the seminar I attended this weekend. It was helpful re: work and God used it to enrich and encourage my faith as well. One of the best parts of it for me was being around people who were much, much older than me, whose faith is so sincere, tested and mature. Folks who have battle wounds from their years of service to God. Many of them had lost a spouse, child or colleague in part because of their decision to move into hard places in the world to follow God.

I usually love to sing along during worship, but on the last morning, I was sitting in the front row, with 250 people in the room. And instead of singing, I just listened to their beautiful, harmonic voices singing "Great is Thy Faithfulness." Believing every word they said. Even though their lives had been hard, even though there were disappointments and major losses... trusting God's faithfulness, depending on him wholly. Knowing that He tells us in advance that it is going to be hard, that we should expect major hardships...but we should also expect that He'll be there with us and He'll use it to shape us more into the image of Christ. It was beautiful.

well done

I'm sort of a book snob. Not the kind who only reads good literature or the kind who knows when something is well written and when something isn't. I'm the kind of book snob who, upon hearing that TONS of people LOVE a book, refuses to read it just to stick it to the man (not sure who "the man" is, except the answer Lucy gives when we ask her who daddy works for).

anyway.

I did, however, pick up and read Don Miller's new book. Here's the opening page, which I loved:

"If you watched a movie about a guy who wanted a Volvo and worked for years to get it, you wouldn't cry at the end when he drove off the lot, testing the windshield wipers. You wouldn't tell your friends you saw a beautiful movie or go home and put a record on to think about the story you'd seen. The truth is, you wouldn't remember the movie a week later, except you'd feel robbed and want your money back. Nobody cries at the end of a movie about a guy who wants a Volvo.

But we spend years actually living those stories, and expect our lives to feel meaningful. The truth is, if what we choose to do with our lives won't make a story meaningful, it won't make life meaningful either. Here's what I mean by that:"

I'll share more later.

feeling the love of the Father

So I'm at this conference for work (that I'll never forgive my friend Susie (whom I've never met) for skipping out on--JK, friend) Anyway, the topic is 100% in line with the ways I want and need to care for HOPE's expatriate staff. The topic is: Mental Health and Missions: assessing and fostering resilience in expats in hard posts. So, so interesting and helpful and I'm learning tons about ways to do my job better. Ways to support these amazing people better so they can do what God's called them to do. So they can love God and the vulnerable in places like Afghanistan and Congo, while seeing brokeness everywhere. Seeing promises God has made that He's not quite brought to fruition yet. So they can still hope. Still believe. Still worship.

Umm...it probably is obvious to you where this is going but I was really only seeing this as a work trip. It didn't occur to me until I started my 10 hour drive to get here how much I needed this. How it is hard for me to love God and the vulnerable right now because of the brokenness. It didn't occur to me until I was sobbing off and on during the drive (in rain...not so safe) that I need this topic as much as my friends overseas.

God is so gracious to give me this time. To have 4 days where I know no one. Where literally everyone's a counselor so they don't question my occasional uncontrollable crying during worship, when I'm reminded of God's promises and work. Where the resources on grief, suffering, hardship (and God's goodness in the midst of it) are literally everywhere. I'm so, so, so thankful for these several days away, to reorient myself with the Father's deep love. Deep commitment to wipe every tear. Make everything right. To remember that we're told that there will be serious disappointments and longings in life that won't be right until heaven. To be free to ache with faith and hope...without feeling any need to pretend I've got it together.

Who'd have thunk, several months ago when I planned to be here, how much I would need it.

Well, God did. The last several weeks have been so strange and hard. And yet, there have continually been situations that I can't question are ways He's shown me his love in the midst of it. Please pray while I'm here that I'll see him. Worship him. Delight in him and find resilience myself.

tomorrow is my birthday

okay, that's a blatant lie. But, it worked last time. Remember when I blogged about how my birthday was coming up...and then the day before my birthday, on a Saturday, we got our approval? Figured it couldn't hurt to try :)

SO...court dates and travel dates are getting planned for our friends who got their referrals last week. I continue to rejoice with them...with a bit of jealousy mixed in. It would probably be unhealthy if I wasn't at least a little jealous or bummed, right? So, there I said it; I wouldn't want to lie twice in one post: I'm not just 100% happy for my friends; I'm jealous too.

Hoping and praying for our referral soon so we can still pick up our little one before Christmas.
Love to you all!

Advent conspiracy.

I love this.
Last year someone gave our family the idea of only giving 3 gifts to our kids (Jesus received 3, thus the meaning behind the number...seems like our kids should get fewer than Jesus, but ya know.) Anyway, we're excited for this tradition to be a part of our family.

Check out this 2 min video about how to better enjoy Christmas this year:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eVqqj1v-ZBU

(If you want an idea of who to give to... HOPE International is wonderful! They provide microloans to vulnerable populations around the world to help them create small businesses to provide for the needs of their family. www.hopeinternational.org)

working hard in Rwanda

Some of you may be curious about how all this work gets done on our behalf in Rwanda. Well, we have a fabulous Power of Attorney who does tons for us both before we arrive to finalize the adoption and while we're there.

Can you imagine having to work with someone as emotional as me...over and over and over again? Actually, I think I've probably been one of the more over-the-top moms throughout this process (impatient, anxious and emotional are my new norms, I promise, and hopefully they'll go be gone soon). Anyway, it takes a really special, patient and gracious person to handle all these details. And we have just that. I'm really looking forward to meeting her in a short while and hope she (and plenty of my friends here too) will be able to forgive all my out of control behavior to date.

Thanks for all your hard work. Your work is so critical and we're so thankful for you.

praying for this week!!

Friends:
I'm praying that we'll get our referral this week because it seems like if we get it this week (or maybe next week...though not quite as likely) that we may still be able to pick our kiddo up before Christmas. !!! I am REALLY REALLY hoping and praying that we'll get to be together as a family at Christmas this year. I know we can wait...I am just hoping that's not what will happen!

I'm totally sympathetic about the many responsibilities the MIGEPROF has...and am just hoping and praying that time will open up so they'll be able to send us info on our kid! It makes me so excited to know that the info is there...just needing time and a signature to send to us!!!

I'm also praying for the other 8 families who just got their referrals. Some of them need complete info before they can accept their referral and proceed...so pray that they'll get that info ASAP. Others need to get court dates to have it fully declared that their children are indeed their's forever. Please pray for them as well that their documents and court dates will move quickly and correctly. Pray for the Dorbands (who I'm completely jealous of) who are leaving next week to pick up their kids. Pray for the nuns who, by all accounts, are completely amazing at loving these children. And pray for the MIGEPROF that their work will be encouraging and fulfilling for them...and, of course, that they'll be able to send us all this info!
Thanks friends.

a request for prayer?

Hey friends...I was wondering if I could ask you all to pray a particular verse for our child as we wait for him/her? I might change it up every once in a while (maybe every few weeks?) You obviously can pray however you feel comfortable, but if you're interested in but unsure how it works to pray a verse for someone, you can do it by simply reading the words and thinking of our child understanding God's love that is promised in the verse, or picturing God literally soothing them with the words. Picture being next to our child or holding them and saying the words to them...the difference is we're just asking God to speak the words to him/her since they can't hear our voice. As I read the words I picture God literally holding our child shhhing him/her when they're frightened or sad the way I imagine I'll hold him/her when they feel that way..."he will quiet you with his love."

Zephaniah 3: 17:

"The LORD our God is with you,
he is mighty to save.
The LORD will take great delight in you,
he will quiet you with his love,
he will rejoice over you."

I have felt your prayers this past week. I've been more acutely aware of my need of prayer and community these past few weeks and I'm so grateful for the ways you've walked alongside me.

hooray!

Well...all of our friends (the 8 other families we knew who were approved) received their referrals this week! We're so excited for them. I guess we're next! :)

The Ministry (that approves everything for adoption) had a super busy week this week, with several events and meetings advocating for children in Rwanda. Adoption approval is only one small part of their job, so while we hope our referral is on their priority list soon, we understand that they are always advocating and caring for children and can't always have their full attention on finalizing adoptions. I'm not sure what next week holds for them but of course I'd love it if it includes sending us our referral! Hunter and I will be apart on Thursday and Friday so we're hoping it will be before that...but of course we'll be excited whatever day it gets here. Trying to imagine opening it in different places (not great)...but trying to imagine waiting a few days with it in my inbox...not possible probably.

Hope you all have a great weekend!

hoping and praying for the Furrs

I'm so excited for my friend, Rebecca, who (unless something goes wrong) will get to see her daughter's face for the first time sometime in the middle of the night! I'm SO SO SO excited for her. can't imagine sleep...but praying somehow there will be peace and rest for her and her hubby.

another update...

Well, we heard that our referral will likely take a little bit more time (2 weeks perhaps). We knew it was possible we wouldn't get ours at the exact same time as this group did, since our approval was a few weeks after theirs...but we were hoping. As you can tell, this week was a pretty emotional one but receiving this news has actually been okay. Anyway, it is almost certain it will be at least next week but probably the week after before we hear/see something. I'm praying that we'll hear before Thanksgiving!!! It will be so amazing and good when we'll get to see our child's face!

In the mean time, we're continue to rejoice with our friends who have received their referrals and praying they'll be able to get their kiddos by the end of the year.

an apology...

Hey friends...
So, as any of you who read our blog last week could tell, I was a mess. I wanted so desperately to be understood, to have people care more deeply about our kid and about kids who are in tough situations. I wanted people to be wrecked like I was about how hard this world can be. I don't think that's all bad.

Upon further reflection and with the help of some friends, though, I realize that while some of my motives were good (it is good to have our knowledge of the world and God expanded), I also sense my desperate need for your collective nod of approval. I want other people to affirm me by doing the same things I do...even if perhaps that's not the journey to which God has called them. I don't just want people to adopt, I want them to adopt from Rwanda. I don't just want people to care about God, I want them to talk about it and live it out the way I do. I'm looking to you all to justify what we're doing...instead of God being enough.

I'm sorry I'm not very good at affirming differences in people and the ways we were all made. I will try to live out the things God has shown me, called my family to...without being so excited that I make you feel like you have to do it too. I'll try not to be so alienating and harsh.

I'm stealing this from someone I don't know who wrote this on her blog--I thought it was GREAT!:

...here is my (adoption related) pet peeve of the day: adoption superiority.

What is that, you may ask?

Well... basically, when we ventured out into this territory - I thought it was one big happy family. The Adoption Community. We are one in the bonds of love, and all that jazz. Ummmm.... NO. It's more like Adoption High School.

Remember High School? Sure you do... jocks, nerds, goths, skaters, cheerleaders, preps, richie rich, star wars freaks, etc, etc, etc.Well... transpose those "categories" to the adoption world and you have:

• Domestic VS. International...
• Foster/Adopt VS. Infant program...
• Independent Adoption VS Agency Program...
• Waiting Child VS. Infant...
• Special Needs VS Non-special needs...
• Sibling Group VS One Child...

There is this sort of hierarchy of adopting parents - those who have adopted multiple times or multiple children are at the top - the jocks and cheerleaders of the community. Let me also say that I don't think EVERY person is called to adopt PERSONALLY. I think that there are family situations that would not make this possible and not every person could handle a child much less more than one. I do feel that as Christians, we are called to care for widows and orphans. Church bodies are supposed to lead the way and help those who are called - allowing them to fund-raise, helping them along, lending a hand in some way. But there is this whole segment of the adoption community - the "holier than thou's" - who think that if you can't adopt for some reason, or just don't feel called to personally adopt - that you are less of a human for it. You are somehow going against the Lord's will for your life if you do not adopt. See Ephesians 4:11-12 for clarification of the way God designed His church to function. If God places adoption on your heart, you are in SIN not to do it. If you do not feel called to adopt - - I am certain beyond a shadow of a doubt that you are called to some other purpose that is just as important to His heart. We all are. If everyone were 110% focused on adoption - who would care for the elderly in nursing homes? Who would work at the soup kitchens? Who would rake leaves for the disabled this fall? Who would drive their neighbor to the doctor's office? There are many ways that we are to be Jesus' hands and feet - we can't all be the arm or the ankle. All are equally important. (Even if you do feel like the appendix in the Body of Christ... find your purpose!)

1. God forbid I ever look down on another family because they are adopting from a country I don't feel called to.
2. I hope I never criticize anyone for adopting one child while a sibling group waits.
3. I hope I never become the "high and mighty" or the "know-it-all" who second guesses motives and choices a family is making.
4. I hope I only uplift and encourage those who feel called to this often-times-not-fun process!

a quick update

Hey friends, since I know everyone will want to know about when we'll hear something...I figured I'd give you as much information as I have:

• the Ministry of Gender and Family Promotion in Kigali processes all the documentation regarding adoption. They're really, really careful about the process (from start to finish)...which is critical to protect children. Although of course it is hard for all of us to wait, I really respect the manner in which they process the paperwork and I'm thankful for it.
• Our referral (information about our chosen child) is now at the office awaiting approval, signature and scanning. Then we'll get to see who our child is and what their name is. Then we'll get medical information and anything else they have recorded about the child's life. I'm so eager for this moment!!!!
• Once we approve our referral, our Power of Attorney will start working on getting us a court date. I'll write more about that POWERFUL moment when our child will become a Thompson. Ah! So excited.
• Then we'll travel to Rwanda to pick up our kiddo. As many of you know, Hunter and I have been to Rwanda before and LOVE it. We can't wait to be back. And this time will be even sweeter.

I promise, we'll let you know pretty much as soon as we hear anything!!! We're so excited!!!

we rejoice with our friends!

Just wanted to confirm for you all that we have NOT gotten our referral yet, but a LOT of our friends have!! :) Check out the blogs on the left side of the page. We are SOOOOOO excited to hear about their amazing news. The nine families waiting for referrals (4 of which are still waiting for news) are on an email chain so we've known about each other's referrals moments (or a couple of hours if necessary) after they find out.

We're eager, hopeful, and longing for ours (not bitter or devastated at all)...and ecstatic for the other families. Pray that each of the rest of the families' referrals will come tomorrow.

Thanks so much friends.

Sigh.

Well, word on the street (for more info, check my friends' blogs) is that we're probably not going to hear tomorrow now. I just ache so badly to know about our kid that I want to jump on a plane and move into the orphanage. Permanently.

I know it is hard to understand why this hurts so much, why we're so impatient, how or why this is different and more heart-wrenching than physically laboring a child; I know it is hard to interact with someone who is so clearly emotional and grieving... it is a lonely place, friends. I promise, I'm not trying to be so emotional. I'm not trying to distance myself. I just don't know what to do when it hurts so much. This is new for me too. Thanks for bearing with me.

butterflies

I thought about naming my subject line "I feel like I'm going to vomit" but reconsidered since a) that's kind of gross language, and b) I didn't want to alarm anyone (either that something is wrong with the adoption process or that I have swine flu and people will avoid me for no reason).

It is the "feel like I'm going to vomit" feeling I get when I'm so nervous and excited I don't know what to do with myself. It was how I felt every first basketball game of the year (this is times 50, though). Yes, dad and Jonna, it was that very feeling that inevitably led to me dribbling the ball off my leg the first possession and to get into foul trouble in the first half. Thanks for reminding me.

I'm sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo excited and hopeful that we're going to get our referral. It is okay if we don't, but my stomach is going to do belly flops until we do. probably until they're home. pray hard today friends!!!

happy six months home Myles!

Please revisit my friends' blog to rejoice with them for having Myles at home for six months! Myles lived in the same orphanage with our child before the Greers carried him home in the spring. We've continued to receive encouragement and love from them.
www.milestomyles.blogspot.com

for the record

If/when Friday comes and goes without news, if/when next week comes and goes without any news, if December comes and goes without news...it will be okay.

"My hope is built on nothing less than Jesus blood and righteousness..."

and

"When peace, like a river, attendeth my way
When sorrows like sea billows roll
Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

It is well...with my soul. It is well, it is well with my soul.

Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
Let this blest assurance control,
That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,
And hath shed His own blood for my soul."

The surpassing greatness of knowing Christ and being found in him mysteriously makes painfully waiting okay. It makes my hope not dependent on circumstances. Grateful to you, Katie, Karen and Carly.

this is the word...

Hey friends, well, through the grapevine of the families awaiting referrals (there are 9 of us in constant contact with one another via email), it looks like the person in charge of sending out the referrals is hoping to to have them to us by FRIDAY!

Crazy to think we could know our little one this weekend. Know their sweet little face. Know what their eyes look like. Know some of their story. I kind of can't believe it!

In the meantime, while we're busy going crazy hoping to find out news, our child is laying in his/her little crib, waiting for their family, without understanding what's about to happen. I can't describe the anticipation and aching that accompanies this process. Our hearts are FULL of love for this little one and I constantly feel like I'm going to burst if I don't get there soon.

Lucy and I are trying to fill our days with fun activities (to get me out of the house to fully embrace life with her so I don't just wish days away after we haven't heard anything). We had a great day today and she's such a fun, wonderful kid...I would hate to miss out on these days wtih her. If anyone has a fun idea, let me know!

please oh please oh please

Well, we're praying like crazy that this is the week we'll get our referral. Even Lucy asked to pray for her brother-sister multiple times tonight. (Yes, that was actually just a bedtime delay move...not spiritual maturity. I'm not that naive.)

This waiting is so hard. And I'm struggling. I want God to teach me all the lessons He wants to teach me: patience, perseverance, brokeness and trust being high on the list. And I'm SO thankful for the ways God is opening my eyes more to His love as we painfully wait for word from Rwanda.

Either way, I've started praying that our child will be resilient about their adoption. That if/when they think about their circumstances, which they likely won't remember, they'll somehow thank God for allowing them to enter the brokenness of this world, the way He chose to enter into the brokenness, and proclaim God's goodness and the coming of a different, lasting, orphan-less, joy-filled home (the Kingdom of God). I can't and won't speak for our kid, because I haven't gone through what they're going through...but I will pray that God will keep their heart soft towards Him and give him/her a strong sense of identity and faith.

So, instead of spending too much time trying to figure out all these confusing, mysterious things, I'll try to remember that this is a broken, broken world...and that God is going to redeem it. And, all of His children should anticipate participating in the sufferings of Christ...so some of these moments are my family's walk into suffering. Not all by choice (neither of our children are choosing their roles), but we're participating in it together nonetheless and I pray Jesus will strengthen each of us.

Anyway, before I go on too long about the things I'm sorting through, please pray for these kids. That they'll all know God's deep, deep love for them. That they'll have their feet set on a rock, with solid footing of faith and identity for their lives. I don't know how I'm ever going to adequately thank the women caring for our children right now. Can you imagine someone else raising your child in your place? What a vital role! Please pray for them too...that God will give them everything they need to lovingly raise these children. That their food resources will be multiplied to miraculously and nutritiously fill bellies. That their patience will be multiplied as there is never a dull moment with so many kids. That they would have maternal instincts about illnesses and would be able to secure adequate medical treatment. That they would have their knowledge of and love for Jesus increased as they love His children. Pray that the Minister will feel compelled and obliged to approve and send the referrals this week. And pray that all 12 families will receive and pass court dates in November (since courts are closed all of December). Finally, pray that God will continue to show us more about who He is and how He works while we wait on Him.

stinkin Lucy

conversation with Lucy a few minutes ago. "Luce, you wanna pray for brother-sister." "yeah...he's sad." "why do you think he's sad, Luce?" "he's cryin. he wants his mommy."

gulp.

his mommy wants him too. so much.

I ache

I have nothing more to say other than I ache for our child. Lots and lots of tears this week, especially on Sunday during a baptism...I completely fell apart when our congregation sang "Jesus Loves You" as they walked her around the room--so beautiful, but so so hard as we wait. Then we sang a song that mentions that before there was time, God planned all our days (which alludes to verses in Ephesians that talk about adoption) and then later in the song how God knows the number of hairs on our head...how before we were made, God searched us and knew us (which of course is comforting and true...but I want to know some of those things about our kiddo's life too. I know God loves our child, and I trust Him...but I struggle (and I should) as I long to be with him/her.) Then, finally, our pastor started his sermon with a story about how in order to whisper to someone, you have to be close to him. Of course Clint didn't know that one of my consistent prayers for this little one is that someone else would be whispering we're coming, that they're deeply loved and cherished...since we cannot. So, I cried and cried. and then avoided people because I don't know how to engage right now.

I love you little one. I don't go 15 minutes without thinking of you and aching for you. I pray God will knit our family's hearts together closely as we wait to be together. I pray you'll know how deeply loved you are today, by your Savior and by your family. We are coming. and until we're there we are aching to see you.

I love this family

to read the actual post...and to be encouraged, challenged and spurred on to love Jesus more, go here: http://www.kissesfromkatie.blogspot.com/

Full Circle

Almost three years ago, I walked into an orphanage in Jinja, Uganda and fell in love with the sickest baby girl I had ever seen (of course, I just didn't know what my life was going to be like...) Her name is Josephine. At a year old she could not hold up her own head or roll over, still had no teeth and was the size of a 2 month old. Mom and I took turns holding her and carrying her all over Jinja. When she was sick, we took her to the hospital and spent evenings holding her while nurses poked and prodded. I sang her to sleep. I cried when she cried. I begged the Lord that she wouldn't die. I went home with Josephine still in my heart and spent counless hours thinking and praying about her.

I watched her grow through other volunteers' pictures on facebook and was so thankful for Julie whose heart had also been stolen by this sweet girl. When I moved back to Uganda seven months later the first thing I did was scoop sweet Josephine, now able to sit up by herself, into my arms. She was still small, still had the same sweet smile, still held my heart. I was working pretty far from Jinja, teaching Kindergarten, but would sneak away in the afternoons to get back to the orphanage and hold little Josephine as often as I could. I would sneak her bananas a give her baths. I prayed and prayed and prayed that her forever family would come soon to take her home. She was happy, but she wasn't growing fast enough, she wasn't developing like the other children, and it was completely out of my power to do anything for her but continue to pray and love on her as much as I could.

10 months ago I sat in my new-found bestest friend Suzanne's house and she mentioned to me that if she ever had another baby girl, she would name her Josie Love. My heart lept. JOSEPHINE. I instantly stole her computer and showed her every picture I had of this precious little girl, talking too fast about what it would be like if Suzanne could bring her home. She looked at me as if I might be nuts and laughed but I left feeling like, just MAYBE, a seed had been planted.

7 months ago, Suzanne, Mike, and their two oldest children, along with some others came to visit. Of course the first thing I wanted to do was take them over to Jinja to meet sweet Josephine, who I of course had started referring to as Josie Love. The Mayernicks had been seriously praying about making her part of their family, but were unsure of what all her special needs may entail. But sweet Josie had done it again, she stole their hearts as well. Not long after they returned home, I got an excited phone call from Suzanne announcing that they felt that God was asking them to make Josie a Mayernick. I watch as their fears and uncertainties turned into excitement and joy. I continued to visit Josie at the orphanage whenever I could, but now I could whisper to her, "They are coming. Your Mommy and Daddy are coming to get you." My heart was full of joy.

Last month, Mike and Suzanne came to pick up their sweet baby girl. In a rountine medical exam that takes place before and child goes to the US, sweet Josie Love tested positive for HIV and TB. As I thought back over the time I had known her, it seemed all too obvious. Yet when she tested negative at 5 months, no one ever thought to re-test her. My heart nearly broke in half for this sweet baby girl and for my devestated friends. If you have ever wondered what it looks like to truly follow the call of the Lord, to truly TRUST God, I invite you to meet the Mayernicks. I was blown away, and truly challenged and encouraged as I watched them process and decide to take Josie HOME, regardless of her condition.
Today Josephine is standing up, holding onto my knees, unaware that I am typing about her on my computer. She is singing and grinning that big grin, the same one that looked up at me three years ago, although now it is full of teeth. Josephine is staying with our family for a bit, while Mike and Suzanne finish some things in the US and we treat her here for TB.

As I look at her happy little face I am marveling at God's goodness, His plans that are greater than anything I could have ever imagined. This sweet baby girl who I fell in love with years ago is going home to live with two of my favorite people in the world. She will grow up down the street from my mom who loves her to pieces and she will live near one of the best children's hospitals in the nation... my words are failing me. I can't even convey how beautiful it all is.
We are priviledge to have a few weeks or a few months to love on Josie Love Mayernick, priviledged to have her family walking life with us, priviledged to watch the Hand of God move in these magnificent ways that only He can. We appreciate your prayers as we take on a few more sleepless nights, a lot more dirty diapers, and an abundance of joy.

Mike and Suzanne, I love you. Your baby girl loves you. Thank you for being the example you are to me, thank you for all you do for Amazima and my family, thank you for loving Jesus.
Jesus, thank you. I don't have enough words. You could do it all by yourself, and you choose to include little me. I am so humbled and so grateful. You knit our stories together so perfectly. Thank you for your perfect plan for Josie, thank you for allowing me to witness it, to be a part of it. Thank you for your love for this precious one.

so...

In addition to feeling so sad about the state of the broken world (like 9/10 of our blog...sorry), I'm also unbelievably excited. I mean, tomorrow we might know who our kid is! We might see his/her picture. We might know their name. Who knows when that day will come (please, oh please, oh please, be tomorrow)...but until then:

I can barely breathe.
My stomach is in knots (like Christmas Eve excitement)
My emotions are unpredictable
My house is a wreck. wait, can't blame that one on the adoption. dang it.

We are so so so so eager to have you in our family. We can't wait to snuggle with you in our rocking chair. We can't wait to whisper all the things we've been praying others are whispering to you in our absence. We can't wait to watch Lucy and you play together. We just can't wait to know you. To love you and be loved by you.

this ache isn't going away

We spent time with Matt, our friend who was in Rwanda last week, and his wife, Kellie, for dinner last night to talk about his trip. Why don't I think about how painful these conversations are going to be?!

He was so gracious in remembering and sharing every detail of his time at Home of Hope (the orphanage from which we'll be adopting). But, of course, the details and reality for these children made all of us cry at the table. Yes, all four of us were crying. (Sorry...I can't/won't share more on the blog.)

We cried for our child, yes. But, the ache we feel isn't going away when this kiddo comes home. Our lives will be fuller, richer (perhaps harder, too) and this child's life will be radically different than it would be otherwise (mostly for good...but international adoption is a broken/imperfect answer to a broken world)...but even if everything goes perfectly for our family, there is still SO much brokenness, sadness, injustice and pain in the world. In that orphanage. In this neighborhood. In your life. And our aching isn't going to go away until Jesus comes back and fixes it ALL, as promised. I'm so thankful we're given a picture of what that will look like:

Revelation 21
The New Jerusalem Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and there was no longer any sea. I saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, "Now the dwelling of God is with men, and he will live with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away."

Thank you, Jesus, that you came to abolish death, suffering, mourning. Thank you that you ache just like we do. Thank you that you promise to wipe every tear. Just so you know, there are going to be lots, lots more tears from me.

thanks for walking this journey with us

I just want to say thank you to all of you who are walking this journey with us. There have been so many wonderful, kind, generous comments and actions over the last year as we've walked this road to our child. We're so close! I just wanted to mention a few recent wonderful things (and look back on a few) to say thanks so much for the support:

• My dad wants to come with us to pick-up our little one! How cool is that?! It means the world to me that he might get to spend some time where his grandchild lived.
• Hunter's parents are going to take care of Lucy for a good chunk of the time we're gone. So will several of you :) (sorry I didn't ask and confirm all that yet). It takes a village to raise a child and it takes a village to go get a child too. So, thanks so much for helping out with our other little one while we're away.
• My aunt Sandy gave us a card congratulating us on our adoption approval and a beautiful engraved cross that says "For this child I have prayed" 1 Samuel 1:27. I almost held it together.
• My sister KayLeigh and her boyfriend Neil gave us a book about the Babies of the World. Each page has 2 adorable babies from various countries. On the last page it has a Rwandan child (obviously our favorite page) Lucy calls the book her brother-sister book :). They also gave us an African cd (so good!) and this really cool wall hanging for the kids' room

• One of our best friends, Carly, pretty much tells me every day how much she loves our kid and how she can't wait until they're home.
• Friends of ours have offered to give us their MANY frequent flyer miles to use for our trip. We're not exactly sure if we'll be able to do it (since our travel plans will probably be complicated with the need to adjust last minute) but we are so thankful for the extremely generous and thoughtful offer! We love how many people are using their gifts, creativity and treasures to welcome this child into our home!
• Remember the Yard Sale?! So much time and effort by friends and so much money raised to help us and to donate to the orphanage!!!
• One of our best friends here is going to come over and help me get the room ready. Once the room is ready I'm probably going to become an (even more frequent) emotional wreck. Well, I know one person is going to help already...but I'm probably going to ask for more help. I'm not so good at home organization stuff.
• Every single comment or note we've received about our child makes my day. Seriously. I know it is awkward or weird trying to connect to a kid that's so far away, but all the efforts mean the world to us. It is pretty much a guarantee that I'll cry if you ask me about or talk about our child or tell me you've prayed for him/her. Thanks for including him/her in your life already!
• 2 of our best (yes, best) friends in Richmond want to throw a party to celebrate this little one. We're leaning towards a sort of last minute referral party (where we'll keep everything a secret until the party and then share pictures, name, etc.) Yes, I know, the chances of me being able to keep ANYTHING a secret are really slim...but I can try! We've thought about gifts for the orphanage instead of our kiddo... but we're not sure about the best things to donate, etc. If anyone has any ideas of what to do--let us know!
• God gave us our Rwandan approval the day before my birthday. On a Saturday no less! It was such a surprise and then I got to spend the morning with lots of great friends. It was one of the best days of my life. No exaggeration.

Thanks again to each of you who have loved us and walked this with us. I know we're going to get really busy soon with final preparations and I don't want to miss a chance to thank you and recount some of God's many blessings along this road. We're so, so grateful for each of you and we can't wait to introduce you to our sweet child.

where's your brother or sister live?

Today we were talking about where everyone lives. The conversation went like this:

me: "Lucy, where do Mimi and Granddaddy live?"
Lucy: "Washington, D.C."

me: "Lucy where do you live?"
Lucy: "Richmond"

me: "Where do I live?"
Lucy: "Richmond"

KK (my sister): "Lucy, where does your brother or sister live?"
Lucy: "too far away."
me: (crying)

When we ask that question, we've taught her to say "Rwanda", which usually sounds like dawanda or Dejuan (our neighbor)..but we've never told her to say "too far away." oh, boy. I about lost it.

a friend visits Home of Hope

Our associate pastor (and friend) is in Rwanda right now and over the weekend was able to visit Home of Hope, the orphanage where our child is living. It means the world to us that he was willing and able to go. We're probably somewhere around a month from knowing who our child is, but we're all but certain our child was there, with Matt, as he walked the grounds. We can't wait to hear more details from him about his visit. We will always have a special, different friendship with Matt now since he's been there. We're so, so grateful we can share that with someone here in Richmond.

We're hoping and praying we'll be a part of the referrals that are coming out (likely next week). If you want to find out more about that, click on any of the blogs of our friends on the left side of the screen. The gist is that the head nun at the orphanage has a meeting on Friday with the government official who must approve all the referrals. Apparently she has about 12 families' referrals prepared, which is why we're hopeful we're included. 12 is a lot, right?! Oh to see our little one's face. To know his/her name. To be closer to bringing him/her home. Sigh. We love you so much. So so much.

APPROVAL Approval Approval!!!!!!!!!

dude, where you been? this happened, like so a month ago.
I didn't have anything important to say or update so I thought I'd just relive that wonderful day.
:)

identification even with abandonment

When I've gone through some hard things in life, good friends have reminded me and comforted me that because Jesus walked the earth as fully human, he entered into the same kinds of brokenness I experience. He identifies with my struggles. He understands. I am deeply comforted knowing that I'm not alone in my aches, that Jesus faithfully endured them...and, in fact he endured much more than me.

Then, we're told in 2 Corinthians 1, that one of the great things about enduring hardships is that we, then, can comfort those who go through the same troubles.

As I was thinking about our child, aching and racking my brain about how I won't be able to relate to many of their sources of brokenness, I sort of suddenly realized: what an unbelievable, matchless, glorious, suffering Savior! Jesus, son of God, was abandoned by His father. ("My God, My God, why have you forsaken me?") Jesus knows the depth of the pain of being abandoned...not just by His father...but by the Creator of the world.

Perhaps our child will be resilient. Perhaps they will easily know that he/she was not abandoned for lack of love or because of something he/she did. Perhaps he/she will not struggle to believe they are loved. But no matter what, I now know that Jesus has earned credibility in their sorrow. Jesus can identify with them and I can point my child(ren) to Him to comfort them in their pain. I'm so, so thankful.

our approval/non objection letter

Thought some of you might be curious about the content of our approval letter (picture above). Here's the situation, we've been told approximately two months after our approval, we'll receive our referral (when we'll know who our child is and all the details available on him/her). So, that's somewhere right around Thanksgiving. Could be sooner...could be later. We'll see! We're so so thankful for this enormous privilege and blessing!

Things in our home have been a bit CRAZY lately (even for us) with lots of things up in the air... pray we'll have peace, perspective and wisdom moving forward.

happy 1st birthday little one

We don't know that today is our child's birthday, but we've requested a child who is born after October 1, 2008...and we hope that the child will be in the older part of that range, since we've understood the likelihood of being adopted goes down the older you get. We just want to keep Lucy the oldest, and otherwise we're game. Anyway, I was studying up on my Kinyarwanda (local language in Rwanda) and came across how you say "Happy Birthday" and it occurred to me that if they go with the upper end of our age range, we're about to miss our child's first birthday. Sad.

Isabukuru nziza y'amavuko umwana wanjye. (Happy Birthday, my child)
Turajye. (We are coming)
Nda gukunda (I love you)

thinking about what it will be like...

Some days I get so excited to pick up our kid (okay, that's a major understatement. Every day, like 50 times a day I get so excited to pick up our kid.)...but it is a mixed bag. When I'm honest and thinking not just about my joy in getting this kid, I feel really, really sad and scared about what they're about to go through (and what we're about to put them through). I absolutely think having this kiddo join our family is better than having this child raised in an orphanage. From what I hear, the sisters (nuns) who care of our kids do an incredible job with their limited resources (people and otherwise)...but I believe strongly that a family is a better option for children. The nuns feel that way too...they've commented to each of our friends who've adopted from Rwanda to please encourage families to adopt. The need is overwhelming and the option of a family is so much better for these kids.

Anyway, I am obviously so excited to meet our sweet child, to hold him/her, to tell him/her how much I love them. How I've longed to meet them. I can't wait to squeeze him/her super tight every single time I put em down and give em a big smooch on the cheek (the way I still do with Lucy pretty much everytime I put her down). But I'm aware of how shocking this is going to feel for our child. How too soon, too fast it might feel. How foreign and perhaps even a bit inappropriate (to them) it might seem. I just read this creative article about some emotions our child may go through as they leave every single person in the world they know and it made me so sad to know our child is going to go through this trauma. Removing a child from the only world they've ever known (and the only people they've ever known) seems so overwhelming. It almost feels unloving. But, of course, it isn't... it is just a tragically broken world where there aren't perfect, easy solutions. We will likely have to work hard and consistently to help our child trust us, to understand we are their loving parents and not just the next in line to care for them short term. (Just so you know, before you read the article, our child will not have a transition home like is described in the analogy.)

http://voicesofadoption.rainbowkids.com/ExpertArticleDetails.aspx?id=49&title=A Different Perspective

Please pray for our child, even now, that our embraces will feel somehow comfortable, comforting and normal...even though they haven't met us before. That the transition will be smooth--not just for Hunter, Lucy and me--but especially for our child. Pray for their emotional health during the confusion of the first several months. Pray for us, that we'll have the grace we need each day to handle what God brings.

Since I'm apt to comparing adoption to pregnancy...let's remind ourselves that it is pretty traumatizing for a kid to go through the birth canal as well. I mean TRAUMATIZING. I'm just sayin. Hunter, I promise I won't scream as much while laboring #2.

the nuns choosing our child

Probably this week or next week the nuns at Mother Teresa's orphanage in Kigali, Rwanda will be selecting our child...whom we believe God has known forever. After all, he knit him/her together in his mother's womb (while knitting him/her in my heart).

Please pray for the nuns who will select our child, that they'll "just know". This is the one. That the medical tests would be run successfully and quickly and that our paperwork will get on the Minister's desk ASAP.

A deep exhaustion has finally hit me. I'm so thankful and relieved we got our approval and I think the next few days will feel very different than before. Don't get me wrong, I'll still be longing and aching for our child, but I'm not as guarded or nervous about my joy or excitement with 'what if we get denied' thoughts.

Please pray for the really incredible role these nuns play in our child's life. I've been told that they work so hard and are so loving and gentle with our kids...that they prepare them to have families. They do all they can with what they have, to love and care for our kids. I'm forever grateful.

Thanks again for journeying with us. We feel so loved and supported. We can't wait for you to meet our next precious child.

APPROVAL Approval Approval!!!!!!!!!

Yes, I mean it. Can you believe my SHOCK AND SURPRISE when I checked my email this morning and had one telling me of our APPROVAL?!?!

This is literally the best birthday ever. I've been glowing all day long. I just can't believe it. I'm so so so so thankful.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Thanks to all of you who've loved and supported us so well through this. Count down for referral (when we'll know gender/age, story, get pictures, etc.) Pray for the nuns who will select our kid in the next couple of weeks. We'll hear something within two months...probably closer to the two month marker.

This is me. Still in shock. wooo hooooooo!

Dear wonderful government officials in Rwanda:

Ahem. Did you know it is my birthday on Sunday? Hint, hint.
I'm just sayin.

it's not you it's me

I'm sorry I've been MIA for a while. Those of you who have been pregnant before know what it feels like the last several weeks of pregnancy when "it could happen at any minute." People are always calling, wondering...they're totally kind, supportive and well intentioned... but you know what I'm getting at. You consider avoiding pretty much any gatherings of people to dodge the looks and the question: "you still haven't had that baby?" Nope...as you can see...I still haven't had that baby. (What do you think was the first clue for them?)

And then for the pregnant mama, (especially with #1 I bet), you're Googling like crazy or talking to other moms about all the symptoms you're feeling: "left eye hurts" "labor"; "back pain, splotchy skin, labor". And so on. Every little change in the way your body feels makes you feel like "this is it!" And then nothing. Well, I'm obsessing the same way with this one. I'm checking my email a lot, looking for any "symptoms" that news could be coming soon (mostly checking others blogs to see if they got their approval).

Anyway, that's what the last couple of weeks have been like. When we heard from the Rwandan government that we should be hearing of our approval soon...and now it has been a month. I'm not super frustrated, just ready. And actually, I'm really thankful for everyone who asks, prays and mentions their love and concern for our child to us. It makes my day and increases my love for you... but sometimes I'm a little at a loss about what to say in return. Nope, we haven't heard anything yet (blinking tears away). I'm so grateful you care though. Keep calling, texting, commenting...please just forgive me if I'm not as quick to respond.

Poem and prayer about waiting

Friends of ours who helped jumpstart our Rwandan adoption, the Greers, were given a poem one year ago today. The poem was written by Peter's mother as a prayer for Myles, their Rwandan son. Today, friends presented their family with a song-- with the same poem as the lyrics (of course they had no idea until yesterday that it was one year ago TODAY that they received the poem as a gift. Here are the beautiful words:

"Little Myles, we think of you
With wonder, trust and longings too
As first sounds come to infant ears
May they be those that cast out fears.
May others hear your infant cries,
Oh Father, move, that none pass by,
May they wrap you in bunting, tight,
Singing softly, “It’s all right.”
Do you hear our faith-trust-sigh?
That soon dear Myles, you’ll come nigh?
Little one, what do you see ~
Mosquito net or leafy tree?
Oh God of lightness, bring the day,
Keep to him, darkness at bay.
Little one, what do you feel,
The touch of us, for this we kneel?
We pray for those who care for you,
So our embrace won’t seem so new.
Little one, our love grows strong,
This lullaby, our hopeful song.
We wait and watch with grateful hearts,
For you, this gift, which God imparts.
Do you hear our faith-trust-sigh
That soon dear Myles, you’ll come nigh?"

I ache.

our friends picking up their kids...and our trip to the Outer Banks

No news for our family, but these 3 families are in Rwanda right now picking up their kiddos. Kara (Higgins) and I met in Kansas City several months back and have been praying for each other throughout this whole waiting period. I'm thrilled for their family...especially their newest additions, Zeke and Etienne!

www.higginsadoption.blogspot.com
www.limmerfamilyadventure.blogspot.com
www.lifechange.typepad.com

Hunter and I went away (to the Outer Banks) for our 5 year anniversary. We had a fabulous time and here's some of what we learned while we were away:

1. Macgyver is very much still on television...Hunter watched multiple episodes to prove it. Okay, we both watched multiple episodes.
2. Low(er) riding Honda Accords can drive through 6 inches of rain for 2 miles straight without dying within 9 hours.
3. "The sad truth is that we are like the Pharisees who loved the reputation for knowing God more than they loved God" C. John Miller. Ouch for me.
4. [Enter really sappy/personal comment about how much my love and respect for Hunter has grown in the past 5 years.]
5. It is a rebuilding year for Wake... tough loss on Saturday
6. Hunter's parents and our friend Carly are AMAZING. Lucy played with them while we were out of town and she had a blast. I think she's already bored now that I'm home.
7. We want our freaking approval. Not that we didn't know that before... I'm just sayin. I'm not mad, just ready!

Have a great week!

God is so good!!!!

Sorry if your heart skipped a beat as you read the subject line. We did not get our approval today. I know...I'm a terrible friend for tricking you.

And, what's crazier is that, actually, I'm glad we didn't get our approval today. Okay, okay, I'm not actually glad...that's an overstatement, BUT, I'm thankful I have the chance to say this: God is good today. God was good yesterday. God is going to be good tomorrow. No matter what.

It would have been so easy for me to write lots of pitiful (but honest!) posts about longing...and then if/when approval day comes to say "God is so good!" That's like the whole Old Testament (and perhaps like my whole life). A bunch of whining and grumbling and then people perceive that God has given them what they need and want and they say "God is so good--we'll never question you again." And then they (I) do...over and over again.

This doesn't mean I'm going to pretend like I don't ache. Like I don't long every single day that God would quicken the day that our kid is home with us. We're certainly not supposed to act like things are just fine when in reality, our circumstances (or, in our case, our kid's circumstances) are objectively difficult. But, our joy is supposed to be based in something much deeper and unchanging. And today I feel it and I know that God deserves credit for it. Sorry for robbing Him of it for a while.

So, God is good, even if:

• We don't get our approval this week, next week...or at all
• Our treasured child comes home with permanent medical issues or Lucy, Hunter or I get sick with some kind of permanent medical issue
• Our chosen child comes home with developmental delays
• Our beloved child comes home and has attachment issues
• Our family is ridiculed, stared at and looked down upon
• Our child from Rwanda has identity issues because he/she lives in a family with white parents and a white sister
• Lucy has emotional issues because people always make comments about our other, adorable African child and they don't even notice she's there (catch me on this one please!)

God is unchanging in His goodness. God is good all the time. All the time, God is good!

(Sorry again for tricking you)

happy weekend

This is perhaps the first time I've been glad weekends are only 2 days. No news today. We're having a great time with my niece, Renee, though and Grandpa and Grandma sent Lucy's birthday present early: a trampoline for the backyard. It would be a drastic understatement to say she's thrilled. And, we just became the "coolest" hangout for toddlers. And 28-year olds.

next...but who's counting?

My "friend" Rebecca (friend in quotations because we've never met but stalked each other's blogs plenty re: Rwandan adoption and now email regularly)...anyway, Rebecca's family got their approval letter today! Hooray for their family! As far as we know, we're next on the list if they go in chronological order. Ah! I'm so excited and hopeful.

This week has been crazy busy with 2 trips to Busch Gardens, Camp Cousins at our house, etc. It has been really nice not to be in front of my computer all day everyday waiting for news.

Hopefully we'll hear something tomorrow!!! Don't worry. I'll let you know if we do.

Proverbs 25:25

Like cold water to a weary soul, is good news from a distant land.- Proverbs 25:25.

Hoping for that good news...

"actually, I'm feeling okay about it"

So, the weekend is here and we didn't hear news from Rwanda. Sigh. I feel like waiting (and aching while you wait) is a rite of passage for adoptive moms--similar to how some folks call labor a rite of passage). I shouldn't even consider what we've done "waiting" yet, since I know of much, much longer waits others have endured (and, I'll mention, have endured with greater hope, patience and perspective.) And, I know there is a LOT of waiting left to be done. Anyway.

I was thinking about how a few people asked me how I was doing today, having not heard anything from Rwanda. I told them (honestly, I thought), "actually, I'm feeling okay about it." And now that I'm by myself, I'm reviewing my day so far: I spent the first 5 hours (you know, starting at 4 am) pressing send/receive, cursing the daily emails I get at 4 and 5 in the morning (sorry John Stott) for intentionally tricking me into thinking I was getting "the email". Then at 9 I went to my friend Kelly's house for some hang out time with her and a bunch of other fun ladies and I completely burst into uncontrollable tears telling a really non-emotional story. I just couldn't pull it together. I'm not much of a crier, so that tells you how "actually, I'm feeling okay about it" I really am. Pathetic. I really didn't mean to act as if I was doing okay (I hate when I try to act like I have my life and emotions all put together--why is it so hard to admit I'm a mess?). This time, though, I just hadn't processed the disputing evidence...

Regarding why I'm not doing better with the wait, here's part of it. Peace is on offer. I know it and at some points I feel it. The sad thing is that I'd rather make jokes about how I'm impatient than do the hard work of becoming a patient person. I hope I don't choose that this weekend and next week again.

thinking about changing time zones

I'm not really sure if this blog tells you what time we write, so I'll let you know: it's 3 am. Why on earth am I up at 3 am, you ask? Well, duh, it is start of business if Kigali, Rwanda and everyday it is possible we'll hear something about our adoption approval. I told Hunter yesterday that I'm considering adjusting to Rwandan time. Seems like a reasonable idea, I know; I'm glad you see it like me.

In case you haven't heard the news, several families (including ours) received a very positive email this week telling us that the Government official in Rwanda contacted our agency and requested specific families' contact information because our approval should be coming soon and they want to contact us directly. No, of course I didn't sleep and I've checked my email no less than 50 times since then. Silly question, friend.

So, here I am, 3 am, praying that today will be the day. We love you little peanut across the world...so much it makes me ache, not sleep and act pretty irrational. You're worth every bit of it and so much more. I just can't wait to hold you and tell you how deeply you are loved. I'm so thankful God hears our prayers that you'd sense that even now.

*In case you're wondering, approval means that the Rwandan government will allow us to adopt. The next step would be the referral (when they choose our specific child (God of course already did that long ago)). So, once we get the approval, we think it will be another 4-8 weeks (with medical testing and a few other loose ends) before we know who the newest Thompson is. Then several more weeks for court approval and finally we travel to pick up our kid! So, home between Thanksgiving and Christmas seems like a reasonable time frame right now. But, what doesn't seem reasonable at 3 am?

Oh, Luce.

On our way home from our friends' house tonight we heard Lucy in the back saying "I wanna see my bruder...wanda." translation: "I want to see my brother in Rwanda."

I'm so glad she hears us talk about her sibling even if she has no idea how much he/she is going to rock her world.

For the record, we don't have a gender preference and until tonight she's always said she wants a sister.

Happy Birthday Mimi!

Today is Mimi's birthday (Hunter's mom). We hope you have a wonderful day and we're excited to play at the zoo with you this weekend!

Re: adoption, rumor has it this week should be good news for at least some families. We're hoping we're included in the group...but that's kind of a long shot.

things I'm learning

If you're coming to this post hoping for something deep or insightful regarding adoption emotions, you've come to the wrong place. Welcome to what Hunter and I like to call "Shallow Land." That's where we like to retreat to sometimes when conversations or life is just a little too intense. I'm usually to blame for that intensity, but today I'd like to invite you to shallow land with me as I tell you about what I'm learning.

I was just writing to another mom who is adopting from Rwanda and told her that while I'm sure lots of people in our position (of waiting and longing) are learning some deeply spiritual lessons they'll carry with them forever, I'm learning (well, technically I've mastered):

1. How to press send/receive on my email. I probably press it 50 times a day hoping that when I get "real time" emails, one of them will be from some family telling me they got their approval, court date, referral. SOMETHING. It is an obsession and it needs to stop.
2. How to stalk other people adopting from Rwanda. I have all of your blogs. I look at them every day hoping there will be news. I feel like I know you. Hope that doesn't creep you out too bad--I promise I'm usually very normal.

I'm sure I'm learning other things...but really, this feels like the vast majority right now.

not much to report

Well, we had a phone call with our agency today to hear about any updates to the Rwanda program. Our agency is planning to have monthly conference calls with all the families adopting from Rwanda to make time to answer questions and explain any changes to the program. I'm super thankful they're taking this step towards increased and better communication. Basically what we learned today is that Rwanda is still new to international adoption, so they can change their mind about a number of things...and timelines are only approximations.

We're waiting for approval and the timeline for approval is basically 4 weeks to 5 months. That's quite a range! Our paperwork has been in Rwanda for 8 weeks now (who's counting, huh) so we're well into our waiting period.

While we're waiting for news of approval, we're longing, praying, aching, naming, imagining life with 2, longing and aching some more. If you experienced aches, pains and sleeplessness in pregancy, I can assure they are very present here as well...both physically and emotionally.

Thanks for joining us in this wait!

Meeting Myles!

For those of you who are curious, YES, Myles is just as adorable in person as he is in pictures. If you haven't been following, Myles is my friends', the Greers, 3rd son (first from Rwanda) who came home 8 weeks ago.

I was up in Lancaster PA last week for work and the Greers invited Katie and me over for dinner. Myles goes to bed at 6ish (wow) so he was already asleep when I got there. I tried to hide my disappointment. While we were talking over dinner, Laurel (Myles' mom) said "Omigosh, you should just go run up there and wake him up". At first I thought this was a really sweet and special offer, but having a child who needs her sleep, I just couldn't accept. But then Peter (Myles' dad) assured me that Laurel actually wakes him up EVERY NIGHT. I love it. She is just so happy to have him home so she still wakes him every night. Anyway, of course I JUMPED at the opportunity and raced inside. I got to the bottom of the steps when it hit me like a ton of bricks. Myles probably lived in the same room as our kid. Myles was a glimpse of our coming child. and I completely lost it. I mean all out sobbing. I have no idea how I didn't anticipate this would be an emotional moment, but I guess I just didn't take time to think about it. So after "pulling myself together", I slowly made it up the rest of the steps and silently cried while I stared at him, touched his belly feeling him breathe and caressed his head. I ached for our child so deeply in that room that screamed of hope, joy and promises and longings fulfilled.

Coming back downstairs my blubbering mess continued and I was comforted by my friends. In all it was a wonderful night and conversation that left me longing and aching for our child.

I am but dust and ashes

I've been reading this book "The Blessing of a Skinned Knee". It has been refreshing and helpful regarding parenting issues, but it has challenged me in plenty of other areas of my life too.

The author mentions that there is a Hasidic teaching that says that everyone should walk around with two pieces of paper, one in your right pocket and one in your left. On the one sheet you should write “I am but dust and ashes” and on the other you should write “For my sake the world was created”. I would change the second statement to say something like “I was uniquely and purposefully made in God’s image” or “God sent His son to save me for ever and to transform me and the world for right now." But, the overall point of keeping both reminders with you is the same: so that when you’re tempted to take yourself too seriously, when you begin to think your role in the world is too important, when you think that God needs you instead of uses you, etc., it is time to pull out the paper that will remind you that you’re but dust and ashes. But, when you’re tempted to think God doesn’t love you, when you’re tempted to think that it doesn’t matter what you do with your life, that you’re nothing special, etc., then it is time to pull out the other.

As someone who arrogantly wants to change the world (and I usually think I can), it is appropriately humbling to read the true words that "I am like grass and will wither" (Isaiah 40), "I am dust" (Psalm 103) and "my days are a mere handbreath; the span of my years is as nothing before you" (Psalm 39). So, if you're like me and real resting is difficult (because obviously everything you do is SO important--from dishes to leading Bible study to work--and no one else will do it right), or if you tend to think your presence is not just helpful but critical...then I recommend you read those verses regularly.

However, if you struggle to believe that your life matters, or that you are deeply loved and God wants to use your life to bless the world in word and deed, please remember that you are wonderfully made in God's image (Genesis 1), God planned good works for you to do in advance (Ephesians 2) and there is nothing that can separate you from the love of God in Christ (Romans 8). "For you know the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, that though he was rich, yet for your sakes he became poor, so that you through his poverty might become rich" (2 Corinthians 8)

So anyway, this isn't meant to be license to just spend your life on yourself OR to feel demoralized about what you can/can't accomplish, I'm just agreeing that we are always both dust and God's treasure... I just usually need to be corrected with the dust verses.

So, we're excited to adopt this child, we don't think we're going to save the world, but we're grateful God's going to transform us by showing us more of his love through this precious one.